I was already missing you, but looking at your pictures made me feel.
They’re a bit outdated, a few months old, but tears started forming in the puches beside my eyes.
Not because you’re not good looking and your face makes me cry, don’t ever think that. It’s because I realized how much I actually want you in my life. I may not completely understand what you’re all about, what exactly triggers you all the time, but that’s okay. Maybe I’m never supposed to completely understand.
Many people have come and gone in my life, whether I pushed them away or not, but you are one of the few people left in my life who I can come to about anything.
Some of those people have made me feel what you make me feel, and I’ve met some people who I’ve said ” you are unlike any other “, but I truly feel as though you are different and I can’t quite put my finger on it.
You’ve told me things, some of them I may not remember until you bring it up, some I will never forget and some I’m glad you told me because I know how to treat you.
I love you, not because I can’t have you, not only that, not just because I am jealous of those who get to spend time with you in person, not because others may have pieces of yout hat I have never had or will never have, but because I just simply do. You have such a beautiful soul. A beautiful brain.
You scare me and don’t scare me at the same time and both of those frighten me.
I know that yout ake space, and maybe sometimes you ignore me, but I’d like to think you care about me still, and even if you told me one day that you no logner wanted me to exist in your life, I’d walk away, but I’d still be here for you if you needed something.
I write about you more than you probably know.
I don’t think about you 24/7, but sometimes I write about you to distract me from other people, sometimes I convince myself I care about you and force it because sometimes I can’t just be you know?
As complicated as I may be sometimes, and selfish and confusing and manipulating, you’re still fucking here and I thank you for that.