I walked around the willows and the wind blew through them like the kiss you threw my way
I stood so far away but close enough to feel the breath of your skin touching my very gaze
Is do anything to crawl into someone else’s mind and see if I really am being thought of your aren’t that alone
I crave affection, but I tremble at its door.
I was wasting, still put to waste. My little crevices that I kept such boarded up feelings, venting but still blocked like a strong cement dam
I would do almost anything to fall asleep, even to the sound of my scratching mind, metaphorical fingers scraping up and down with every heart pulse
At times, I think I’ve exhausted every outlet, writing words until my hands can’t even hold the device
Longboarding to the rhythm of the trees, weaving in and out with the wind
I’ve even tried standing close to some sort of edge, imagined and physical
As soon as I’d hear a car honk or feel eyes on me, it was like my mind was waving to me
They say the stars align and maybe that’s why I love them so much because things either happen or don’t happen for a reason and if it’s unknown, it’s most likely because we haven’t stumbled across a valuable explanation yet
It doesn’t always matter how far we’ve come or how far we have left to go, our bodies stay alive to fight the battle that our mind feels it’s lost its strength to
So many people have asked me how I came to the realization that I’m transgender and to be honest, I don’t really know 100%.
All I know is that when I look back at my childhood, I see signs of myself being more fluid in general.
I had questioned my gender mostly when I grew older, so my late teens.
It wasn’t until one of my relationships had ended that I realized I wasn’t entirely female, or that I didn’t identify just as female. But I don’t remember how I went form identifying as a lesbian to identifying as just male and now to identifying as a fluid transman.
I hate it when people say “ah gender is black and white. Sexuality is black and white”. No. It. Isn’t. Not to me anyways.
I used to think Iw as fake for being all over the palce.. but I’m really comortable with identifying as a fluid transmguy. I prefer male pronouns and that hasn’t been different in years.