Day 30 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

The song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Listen by Sent By Ravens

Write a haiku about being trans

I am confined inside

Not as a girl, or a boy

Just a bit of both

 

Day 29 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Hello Time Bomb by Matthew Good Band

Write out something positive about yourself using the letters of your name. Ex. Your name is Bob so B-Beautiful O-Outstanding B-Boy.

I have a few preferred names thta I go by, but I’ll use the name that I’ve been going by for a while.

Joker

Aware

Self-Expressor

Pleaser

Expressive

Revived

I had to look up some words because I had thought of more negative words than positive.

Day 28 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Cigarettes by Noah Gundersen

What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don’t do it?

As many people will say, Music. If I don’t listen to music for atleast an hour or two before I sleep at night, I feel thrown off. It’s something I do to release emotional tension. I don’t know why, but it’s something I’ve been doing for the majority of my life and it’s a routine for me and whenever it’s broken and or thrown off, I get agitated and angry.

Day 27 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

The Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Mean What You Say by Sent By Ravens

What goals do you have?

Goals:

1. Therapy.

I am currently unemployed and have been for the past short while and I want to start finding a therapist that I will want to stick with and battle some demons that I’ve been struggling with throughout the years.

2. Job.

I have recently signed up with a company to help people with learning disabilities find and keep employment. I feel as though I can benefit from this program and I actually really want to work right now, whether it be part-time or full-time.

3. Move out.

I have never moved out of my parents house. I’ve lived in the same house my entire life and the only time I’ve lived anywhere else was on and off in past relationships, but it was more so just visiting. I want to save enough money to move out.

4. Gender.

I  have been using this time to figure out what I want to do transitioning wise. I really don’t know what I want to do anymore, but I’ve been taking Zinc and Magnesium to help boost my Testosterone levels.

Day 17 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Latch by Disclosure Featuring Sam Smith

What’s your binding choice and why?

I haven’t been binding for a while, but my main choice for chest binding is wearing a chest binder, but I haven’t worn one for a few months. I just stick to wearing extra layers of clothing.

Before I had discovered the wonderful world of chest binders, I had done the whole Ace bandaging technique. I didn’t like it.

 

 

Day 16 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

I’ve posted more posts stating that I fail miserably at this challenge, than posts without stating those words.

Song that I’m listening to while writing this post:

Philadelphia By Sent By Ravens 

What’s your rock anthem and why?

I don’t believe that I have a rock anthem. There’s way too many songs that I can listen to over and over again.

But if I were to name just one song that I’ve listened to a million times over for years, it would be 23 by Jimmy Eat World.

I remember the exact time that I first heard it. I knew that I had enjoyed songs beforehand, but this song really got to me,

My older brother and I were driving home from Church either on a Sunday night or a Thursday night and he had that song playing. I had never heard it before that moment and I never went back to a time before I didn’t listen to it.

It breaks my heart and heals it at the same time.

 

 

Day 15 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

How have you embraced your trans identity?

I don’t really do anything to embrace my ” identity ” as a trans man. 

Unless, of course, you take into account that I’ve worn my chest binder without a shirt at the beach in public before. Other than that, how does one embrace it? 

Day 14 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Fix You By Coldplay

What are some of your passing tips or things you do to pass?

Before I had ever worn a chest binder, and even currently as I no longer posses a chest binder at the moment, I would layer my shirts, mostly in twos and threes.

I’d make sure that my t-shirts didn’t cling to my chest and if they did, I’d wear a sweater to cover up my chest.

As for having female hips and behind, I would and still wear my jeans low. But I’ve been doing that for years. I also wear a hat or a hoodie to cover the majority of my head or enough to pull over my face as I walk into the men’s washroom.

When it comes to speaking with people, mostly strangers, I’ll either lower my voice or limit what I’m saying. I try not to make it sound forced and or obvious that it’s being forced. 

 

Day 13 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

The song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Mammoth by The Devil Wears Prada

Bathrooms

If I was doing this challenge last year, I would most likely be writing about how confused I was about using washrooms ( I prefer to use washroom, I like the sound better ).

Fast tracking from last year to the present, I still find myself using the women’s washroom mostly when I have a job and or when I’m around people who don’t know that I’m transgender or I just feel awkward around certain people. 

But, saying that, I mostly use the men’s washroom in public. Sometimes it’s still nerve racking, even after a year of mostly using it. I’ve learned to just avoid eye contact with other men as much as possible. 

I’m not sure about in other cities, provinces or other countries besides Canada, but where I live, there’s security guards either in or outside of some of the washrooms, mostly in some malls and I get nervous around them because sometimes they look at me as though they can tell I wasn’t born male.

I just put my head down and continue walking, with as much confidence as I can muster up in the moment that is.

Day 11 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

I knew that I wouldn’t be very good with keeping up on days, I’m like 3 or 4 days behind. Oh well, I still want to do these.

The song I am listening to while writing this post is: 

A Boy Brushed Red Living in Black and White – Underoath

How do you manage dysphoria?

I actually don’t experience dysphoria as often as I used to. Although I kind of felt dysphoric earlier today.

How I manage it is that I just push through it. I don’t know how really besides going by both male and female pronouns. It eases the fact that I somewhat still live a double life as both genders.