If I could open the grinder and throw your privlage in it, I’d throw it in your mouth and watch you choke
I’d laugh and tell you that you now know the physicality of my mind space
I go through pages of pain
And you walk the earth wanting revenge on people who try to be an ounce of themselves
And you preach hate because
You aren’t happy
I’m not happy, I wasn’t happy and I try not to be rude
Nightly hawk, lover of the dusk
At dawn we rise
Flee towards south
When all goes north
East never felt so desirable when im used to
West providing me with all I ever needed
Wanted and desired
To be everything I was
Told I wasn’t
Or couldn’t be
I talked up storms and walked over tornadoes, threw roof tops off the heads of strangers
Knocked the teeth of old trees’ smiles
Didn’t know why the wind
Stopped whispering
Such sweet nothing’s
Instead, growing hatred being spewed
Into my mouth
Chewed me as I swallowed
And woke me up from the inside
Not outside, working fast
Slow pace when falcons
Fell into my lap
Begging to be pet
With the slap of my soft face
Being here makes me sick
Feel ill like something’s been drilled
Into my head like a flock of bees
Stinging my brain
It hurts. God it hurts and I wish I knew no one anymore. I don’t want to sit with my past anymore.
Writing isn’t helping.i need out..
Hovering above me like a stick
Limboing between the ground and what I need
So close and so far
That I don’t know what’s reality
Am I even existing? What was my home is somewhere I am just visiting, on vacation from where I might be one day
Who might roam my quarters some day is beyond me
But I need to do it myself
Be myself
And I thought freedom tasted sweet, but sacrifice is a tastier bitter
Like a spoiled carton of fresh juice
One sip and im drowning
Drowned, I’m still sinking
And growing more lost
With every step, the compass is freaking out
Like a wavering heart beat, zig zag
Winding road, in and out
Roughly suffocating
Softly striving
For rust
Hovering above me like a stick
Limboing between the ground and what I need
So close and so far
That I don’t know what’s reality
Am I even existing? What was my home is somewhere I am just visiting, on vacation from where I might be one day
Who might roam my quarters some day is beyond me
But I need to do it myself
Be myself
And I thought freedom tasted sweet, but sacrifice is a tastier bitter
Like a spoiled carton of fresh juice
One sip and im drowning
Drowned, I’m still sinking
And growing more lost
With every step, the compass is freaking out
Like a wavering heart beat, zig zag
Winding road, in and out
Roughly suffocating
Softly striving
For rust
Watered the inside of his mouth
By feeding the thoughts
And feelings that infested
Manifested towards me
Little me
Old me, almost him, like him
Not him, never was
Aren’t, won’t be
But years later, farther down the pavement
Rocky, wasn’t smooth
Reality ripped out from under
The feet that barely touched the floor
Scraped my heart clean
And left me scarred
Which then caused me to
Act like liquid nitrogen
In-between being numb and frozen
Beautiful sunrise, checked off the list
List of conquests, I had
And marked down, stepping down
And looking up
While drowning in silver
Because gold is not my favourite
But purple lilacs and lavender soil
Forming stems, follicle’s forming
Dew stopping
Me from bathing in my own filth
And I leaked courage, but held fear
And I misplaced the key so many times
And created new loops to jump through
Bury the hatchet
I need, or so I thought
To cut ties with my inner child
But he comforts me
Like a rose swimming in case water
Or maybe I’m hugging him and feeling his cries
Nurturing my insides
Going back in time
To where I could have been held
Rocked in arms and not fallen
Down into a new life
But i have loving parents
But you werent there
Aren’t there for them
Or my who I was
Am to some people
Won’t be to me
You remind me of everything i try not to be
Comes easy to me
As a gum stuck to the bottom of my sole
Soul, he identifies as a soul
He said he knows me, gets me
And walks forward into something
Serious, bunny ears on top
Merry waters
Beat the fuck out of Satan’s kiss
And shove me back in his lips
Inject my lungs with acidic love
And tell my heart that it’s alive
I’m breathing, the flowers are being
Planted, implanted
Plantation in my brain
Mind fucking, bridge burning
They know
But confided in someone
Not confronting the face
One of them that I wear
Embedded into my skin
Regrowing like an Onion’s mould
Pretending that I’m not affected
In effect, changes
Roaming to new identities
Experimenting in fumes
And watching flames escape crevices
In my mind, blowing
Blown out like a stretched lobe
Embraeyceing 