Grinder Laugh

If I could open the grinder and throw your privlage in it, I’d throw it in your mouth and watch you choke
I’d laugh and tell you that you now know the physicality of my mind space

I go through pages of pain
And you walk the earth wanting revenge on people who try to be an ounce of themselves
And you preach hate because
You aren’t happy

I’m not happy, I wasn’t happy and I try not to be rude

Hawk Dusk

​Nightly hawk, lover of the dusk

At dawn we rise

Flee towards south

When all goes north
East never felt so desirable when im used to

West providing me with all I ever needed

Wanted and desired

To be everything I was

Told I wasn’t

Or couldn’t be
I talked up storms and walked over tornadoes, threw roof tops off the heads of strangers

Knocked the teeth of old trees’ smiles
Didn’t know why the wind

Stopped whispering 

Such sweet nothing’s

Instead, growing hatred being spewed

Into my mouth

Chewed me as I swallowed

And woke me up from the inside
Not outside, working fast

Slow pace when falcons

Fell into my lap

Begging to be pet

With the slap of my soft face

Being here makes me sick

Feel ill like something’s been drilled

Into my head like a flock of bees

Stinging my brain
It hurts. God it hurts and I wish I knew no one anymore. I don’t want to sit with my past anymore. 
Writing isn’t helping.i need out..

Insane Relations

​Hovering above me like a stick

Limboing between the ground and what I need

So close and so far

That I don’t know what’s reality
Am I even existing? What was my home is somewhere I am just visiting, on vacation from where I might be one day

Who might roam my quarters some day is beyond me

But I need to do it myself

Be myself
And I thought freedom tasted sweet, but sacrifice is a tastier bitter

Like a spoiled carton of fresh juice

One sip and im drowning

Drowned, I’m still sinking

And growing more lost
With every step, the compass is freaking out

Like a wavering heart beat, zig zag

Winding road, in and out

Roughly suffocating

Softly striving

For rust

Rust Sacrifices

​Hovering above me like a stick

Limboing between the ground and what I need

So close and so far

That I don’t know what’s reality
Am I even existing? What was my home is somewhere I am just visiting, on vacation from where I might be one day

Who might roam my quarters some day is beyond me

But I need to do it myself

Be myself
And I thought freedom tasted sweet, but sacrifice is a tastier bitter

Like a spoiled carton of fresh juice

One sip and im drowning

Drowned, I’m still sinking

And growing more lost
With every step, the compass is freaking out

Like a wavering heart beat, zig zag

Winding road, in and out

Roughly suffocating

Softly striving

For rust

Watery Manifestation

​Watered the inside of his mouth

By feeding the thoughts

And feelings that infested

Manifested towards me

Little me
Old me, almost him, like him

Not him, never was

Aren’t, won’t be

But years later, farther down the pavement

Rocky, wasn’t smooth
Reality ripped out from under

The feet that barely touched the floor

Scraped my heart clean

And left me scarred

Which then caused me to

Act like liquid nitrogen

In-between being numb and frozen

Checked Sunrises

​Beautiful sunrise, checked off the list

List of conquests, I had

And marked down, stepping down

And looking up

While drowning in silver
Because gold is not my favourite

But purple lilacs and lavender soil

Forming stems, follicle’s forming

Dew stopping

Me from bathing in my own filth
And I leaked courage, but held fear

And I misplaced the key so many times

And created new loops to jump through

Bury the hatchet