I am not the lack of facial hair or even the little stubble that I have
I am not the lack of muscles or even the tiny bit of muscles that I possess
I am not the lack of physical strength or even the little strength that I have
I am not the lack of adams apple or the little one that my throat protrays
The lack of anything that I may have, does not make me any less of the man that I feel I am.
Something slithering between the layered sheets of my very rabid thoughts
Conversation with the comfortability inwhich I feel I am in
The slow breathing on the other end, listening and calming things that I hadn’t allowed to be settled in a while without attempting to destroy it
Synchronized chests, rising above the streets that I have known my entire life and falling down below the places I have never stepped foot in before but yet feel so familiar
Relaxation without having to take the time to dissect things and just letting them be, noises radiating from you that stop the sudden impulse to be different
Something as little as saying those three words and trying to mask them by singing outloud can trigger so many things at once and all I wanted was to release the tension between the air and the space it’s caused in my ribcage
The sound was way more deafening than the blow to the throat was and sometimes I like to pretend that the pain us just suppressed down so deep that even the ocean feels the need to open it;s bottom floor and flow to the top to make space for me and my demons
All that I desired was to break what was only destroying me in positive ways just to protect the walls that are now different identities guarding what is vulnerable and if only my heart would hear me out instead of protraying to be this wretched shell of discarded waste.
I refuse to give my heart to someone unless they’re on life support
I refuse to lean on someone else unless I physically need to
I refuse to give an arm and a leg to someone unless they need an actual replacement
I refuse to allow someone to take my breath away unless their lungs are in desperate need
I refuse to bleed for someone unless they are at a blood loss
So worth losing sleep over, you are
What I want and need but all of a sudden I start seeing you as someone I want to see in a bad way
Because my mind tends to turn what’s good into something that kills me faster but doesnt kick in until later
I want you, but I’m too tainted, poisoned, I am
Trying but not trying hard enough and my wings are telling me to fly but the temperature is dropping
Falling back onto the ground, one wing pointing upwards and the other being laid upon
I’ll probably leave an in print inside of you, on your sheets and in your hair
You’ll try to wash me out, but not even a remover can get rid of me
You might find my name amongst authors in the nearest bookstore and a few of my phone number digits engrained in grocery store barcodes
You’ll hear me behind someone’s laugh and smile
I may not be the brightest of colours, but I express more vibrancy than any rainbow can
Tell me that you won’t leave me, be my caregiver and shelter me from my own storm, show me that I’m not alone
I just need to escape and let go of what hurts me and thats why I tell people the things i feel about myself but in a way that hurts them
They are not me nor am I them. They arent in me nor am I in then.
Looking in I see something startled, out I feel neglected by myself
Youre not as bad as I make you out to be
Everyone has their flaws, especially those who throw theirs at people
You’re more than I give you credit for and the skies want their stars back because you replaced them with your shimmering eyes
Little do you know, do i know, we may be, might be something, sometimes somewhere around the world
Sitting here, actually feeling
Static ears and melodramatic empathy
Euphoric heartfelt feelings
Sitting here and for once, attempting to figure out why I laugh at bad news and cry when I’m happy
Not being watched, but noticed
Sitting here and I am no longer invisible to those around me, and I notice myself
Bleeding electricity, breathing authenticity
Seeking revenge, exhaling invert
Grinding teeth like bones on the chalkboard rubbing against the scratching surface
Break apart the ties that strung you together, held you and tore you apart only to realize you can’t breathe
Selling sculptures like telemarketers scraping by to feed themselves through the telephones wires
Tell me a story inwhich can’t be told by the mouth organ, only through the hand that feeds you
Embraeyceing 