Twisted Eyelids

I can feel my thoughts
catching on my gums
every time I chew on
words that keep
getting caught underneath
my tongue
and it’s uncomfortable

I can see my own eyelids
from the inside
twisting images
and squeezing the memories
out onto my skin
drip drip dripping
all over my veins

I can hear my brain
spinning on top of my
spinal cord
turning around
like a carousel
only my skull is
the seat that my sanity
is sitting on
as insanity controls the speed

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Pew

I used to sit behind you
staring at you until
the pews looked like they were on fire

In reality, it was my brain that was swelling with flames
flames that you started
flames that you fueled and then walked away from

I used to wonder if you destroyed others like you stole me
stole parts of me
stole my weakest parts

I am who I am today, but not because of you
but because I stopped, dropped and rolled away from you
like the teachers taught us to do when we were engulfed in sparks

Complaint Caves

I shouldn’t complain
because I could be worse
but my worse keeps getting worse

and my best is alightly my best
and I’m struggling to part the clouds instead of laying on them

Can I just stop fighting my brain and let the sides of my skull naturally cave in?

Deleting and making a new blog.

To my followers and anyone who comes across this.

I have had this blog for I believe 4 or 5 years now and when I first made it, I used my legal first name as my url and I want to get away from that.

I’d hate to lose my followers, but I want to make a new blog and move all of my writing over to it.

I will make another post with my new blog url when I make one.

Thank you to all of you who have stuck with me since the beginning and thank you to all of my new readers.

 

Fueled Masochism

2 Minute Poetry

From the beginning, never crossed my mind more than twice
Something strong resignates within me
Veins blocked on their way to my mind

Masochist at best, very least the pain I need
to fuel me even if I wish it wouldn’t
Slaying the prey before I break myself

Walls go up as they fall down, one two three four
I’m not coming back through the wall
Five Six Seven Eight, wondering when I’ll set myself straight

I’m not here, I’m not even in my right mind
but who’s to say which one’s from left
Detouring through my life like a van with very little gas
Chipped wheels

Chaotic Technicality

Music I listened to while typing this poem out:

Without You – Oh Wonder

I didn’t want to push, rush the chaos                                                                     Oh good old chaos, destruction                                                                           reconstruction of this mind digging torture

You know, no one can drill in                                                                                 deep where there is only surface now                                                                       so get chipping away

Use your best tools and your latest techniques                                                 mine are so old and as concrete                                                                                     I don’t worship things anymore                                                                               but I like the idea that I’m already                                                                           creating a home for myself

After I leave this dreaded head space                                                                           I walk around so weak and I used to                                                                     appear quiet because I didn’t want                                                                     people to know about me

Now I trudge around dragging my demons                                                       along my skin for people to see but                                                                             I don’t bother with quick answers

Conversations, I love those. Intellectual                                                             spill your cries and what makes you cringe.

I live for what’s holding people back so                                                                     I can compare my pain I need out,                                                                             so maybe stop digging now and                                                                               just throw yourself ontop of me                                                                             while my body sleeps and                                                                                         soul drifts towards the bottom