Ticking conversations

I spent so many years as a zombie, now the only difference is my brain is alive and my body is looking for it

I spent so many years on a trial for my sanity
30 days turned into 6 months and then I fell off the band wagon and was left scrambling for more feelings that tripped over my eyes

I spent so many years walking towards a new clock instead of ticking on my own
On my own time, on my own watch

And now, I’m having conversations with versions of people I’ve created
And now, I’m craving the old stale taste of burning kisses
And now, I’m spending way too much time on my own that it’s growing more difficult to pluck out my own petals

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Above, between, below.

When I was young, I’d sit in that rocking chair
And I’d zone out

Sometimes I’d just go into another world
And even when I snapped back, I just hovered

Above reality
Between comfort
Underneath Disgust

I’d make words out of the loose bolts grinding against it’s machined body
And convince myself that there wasn’t much more than that

Hovering Lull

Sometimes I sit and feel something so strong
And other days, nights don’t exist

I wonder when my body will decide to finalize the divorce with my mind
Because I’ve been wanting my soul to feel it’s true freedom

I’m hoping that my skin will crack and my breath will seep through my shaking nerves and calm my bones as I release into the night
I’ll hover above like a creature quietly humming inside one’s ear
And whisper such lullabies
As the river carries my physical heart down the canal

Find me, I’m not lost.

What is it that youre attempting to achieve here?

Youre barely here
Youre not even there
But youre finding a home elsewhere
And im trying to find myself in the middle of nowhere

What are you even doing?

Youre not sure
Youre not even trying to make me feel secure
You make me feel so impure

Spinal Comfort

There’s that feeling again
Of you touching my spine
But it feels both warm and uncomfortable

Is that you?
How did you find me here?

There’s that feeling again
Of you trying to comfort me
But it feels so strange
Like it might not even be you
But this seems to happen whenever I appear to be lost

Mouse Tail.

You’re too busy being the mouse
Waitong to taunt the cat
And when my tail creeps closer
To your trap
You laugh and run off

You’ll find a new hole home in another cat’s life
And you’ll tease them until they give in
And you’ll run back to the old victum
Acting like you are the victum

But darling, everyone dispises you
So quit playing your own game

Paperless Disappointment

I write about you like you put the stars in my eyes
And you know what?

I’d rather write about you than talk to you because paper won’t disappoint me like you will

And I’ll write about you until my heart fills with self love

And I’ll write about you until my pen snaps from the weight of my thoughts