Silk Intentions

I think of you and almost every bad intention I had with other people slip through my fingers like silk sheets falling off the bed

I look at you and the fears I had growing up start shrinking like the snow when water is poured on it

I talk about you with a fast tongue and soft words trickling like a leaky faucet that cannot be plumbed

I feel for you what most people can’t bring themselves to vocalize

Advertisements

Deafened Sorrow

You loved me therefore I was, I didn’t love me and I wasn’t

You hated me and I cried out, I hated me but I couldn’t shout out

The dark loves me, so I crept in, I disliked the feeling, but fell in love with its comfort

I saught out treasure amongst the deepest corners
Sweeping the nations with my very hardship

One minute my heart feeds my head
Two seconds later and I’ve become empty

Filling not I, swallowing them
Digging down, upwards and out as I devour skin

The night screams for me, but I can’t answer
So loud, but so deafening

Straining my eyes, am I even here?

We are pieces, we are parts they said

We aren’t our mistakes, but were damned if we don’t make any

So I do nothing which becomes something
Thinking starts talking and listening falls quiet

Voice that’s mine, stranger it is

Restless Time

Why must we saunter so near, but open our eyes for the closest rear

Blind to the touch, closed at the seams
Light beams, but no shadow

There we are, up
Down they were, go
So I listen to the broken stop light in my head

Flashing colours, drowning mind
Trickling fantasies and shaky skin

Why? Why did I step here, tick, tick, tock
There’s no clock, no place to rest for the weary
Everything’s hazy

Sleep, no rem, no dreams
Awake, restlessness, tired

Tired from sleeping
Creeping in through the blinds
I feel it, see it, need it

What a tease rest is
7 hours is too little, 8 is too much
7 and a half, ah so close
But any minute past, too little and too much at the same time

So I stay awake until my phone died or my fingers hover
Lingering in my breath grows shallow
Faint like ghost, hallow

The trees hollar to the animals for a place to be
I’m here, closer to my own headed sea

Sharpened Dejavu

Sharpen the spear, but with what? They say something dull is worse than something that is not

Double edged swords and here we have dejavu

Wandering around, no edge and no sword in plain view

So difficult yet so simple

Smack the weapon against a rock and the rock stays intact, hit the rock against the weapon and the weapon breaks

Just like life

Go somewhere, do something good and bad consequences

I see, or so I thought I saw
Something less but something more

I saw, or so I think I saw
Something more out of something less

And I saw what I see now and I see what I saw then
Out of something less came something more

The ball dropped, the wrong type fast falling                                                     free falling not so much, wandering eyes                                                     snowballing quicker than before, steady                                                                 though

Still as the frozen over layers of membrane                                                   You’ve been told that, do you see it?                                                                       Do you see how hard it is for me to pull a zipper with missing and chipped notches?

I just want you to know that I’m fighting                                                               to give people the pieces I’ve been missing                                                       selfish because it fulfills me at the same time

Soon those notches will be replaced                                                                        by your strong knuckles intact and                                                                     your breath will be light but heavy hearted

Remember when I told you that when                                                                   I’m not existant, I still shove my                                                                         heart down other people’s rib cages?

Because I’ve been in places                                                                                 where my bones felt broken and my air was the only thing keeping me warm I know where the devil sleeps during storms and when he awakens to release his saliva and leave his marks on minds Come hither closer my dear, hover towards and feel my pulse become yours.

Chaotic Technicality

Music I listened to while typing this poem out:

Without You – Oh Wonder

I didn’t want to push, rush the chaos                                                                     Oh good old chaos, destruction                                                                           reconstruction of this mind digging torture

You know, no one can drill in                                                                                 deep where there is only surface now                                                                       so get chipping away

Use your best tools and your latest techniques                                                 mine are so old and as concrete                                                                                     I don’t worship things anymore                                                                               but I like the idea that I’m already                                                                           creating a home for myself

After I leave this dreaded head space                                                                           I walk around so weak and I used to                                                                     appear quiet because I didn’t want                                                                     people to know about me

Now I trudge around dragging my demons                                                       along my skin for people to see but                                                                             I don’t bother with quick answers

Conversations, I love those. Intellectual                                                             spill your cries and what makes you cringe.

I live for what’s holding people back so                                                                     I can compare my pain I need out,                                                                             so maybe stop digging now and                                                                               just throw yourself ontop of me                                                                             while my body sleeps and                                                                                         soul drifts towards the bottom