Toxicity

They tell you to cut out all toxcicity in your life.

But what if the toxicity is the only thing keeping you alive?

What if the Toxicity is all that happens to be surrounding you.

It’s the one thing that you can atleast wake up knowing that it’s something consistant

Go to sleep knowing what to expect the next day instead of having to worry about change, about the events that will occur tomorrow and the next day and the next day.

I have created and ended alot of toxicity in my life. I seem to keep creating it myself because I feel as though people expect me to be nothing but drama. They expect that I’m never going to be the nice guy, that I’m always going to be the biggest douche bag towards every one who ever gets close to me.

But when I end the toxicity, it’s so hard for me to let it go. I feel guilty for letting it go, but I also feel free at the same time. It’s both haunting and gratifying.

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Right mind, wrong body

Insane
Crazy
You’ll never be a man
They said
You won’t make a good guy
They repeated
They know it hurts you
Because it hurts them as well
But it’s like they need justification
Reassurance
That they aren’t just being naive
But that it’s true
Yes I am male
On the inside
Sometimes it kills
To the point of crying because
I’m in the wrong body
Skin crawling
It’s not a disease
It was a malfunction
A dysmorphia
And you can’t just crawl
Back into the womb as a man
You have to start your life all over
Changes
Puberty
Changes
Heart
Changes
Brain

Okay Screeches

You’re almost there
You’re already on your way
Destiny? Naw just a destination
There are no rules yet
Well some
But not exactly 100% entirely defined yet
Answers you want to know
But questions are the hardest
To get out
Listen to what your heart says
Forget what your head screams
Yells across the hall
You hear
Footsteps vibrating across the laminate
You feel
Do not run
Voices belched
Shrieks leak out
And into both of your ears
What are you doing here?

She’s waiting
But waiting for you?
If he attempts to tear her apart again
I’ll be there
To prevent it
And hold you before you fall
Catching your breath within your lungs
Touching my very fingers
Latched upon your bone structure

And so you see
You’re okay
You will be okay
Let yourself be okay
And you will be okay
You are okay

Drug Dust

And lying wont get you
Doesn’t lead you
To
Take you
There
To where the rainbows colour
Everything in
Their pathways
And neither will the drugs
Stop
Trying to
Win you over
Oh hey I’m winning
Screamed the alcohol
Oh bloody hell
What’s the use