I see, or so I thought I saw
Something less but something more

I saw, or so I think I saw
Something more out of something less

And I saw what I see now and I see what I saw then
Out of something less came something more

Graved Truths

I’d be lying
If I didn’t try
To tell you the truth
About wanting to lay down
Inside and stew
In my own grave

I’d be lying
If I spilt but didn’t cry
Whenever I needed to escape
This headspace cave
Built from nothing

Hospital Corners

Like a hotel, our bodies are being rented out                                                   temporarily I squander around                                                                                       for rooms that aren’t occupied                                                                                       but every spot is no longer vacant.

As I round the corners, slightly folded                                                                   into eachother like a hospital bedsheet                                                                       I realize that I don’t have Schitzophrenia                                                                 but I have conversations with people who aren’t there

Are they? Maybe they’re all the versions of myself talking to people they used to know.

Love Friend.

I’d write this in the form of poetry, but this isn’t really poetic.

This is about a boy, maybe that’s a cliche way of starting a blog post, but this is genuine and I don’t really care about how cliche or not this is.

He’s not just a last resort, and if he is, I usually tell him. I feel like I can be so honest with him and if I find myself lying, I always tell him. I think he understands why I do that, not that lying is an excuse. I haven’t lied to him in a long while.

It’s nice how when him and I go a while without talking, our conversations can start back up again, whether it’s reminising about the past, continuing an unfinished subject, or starting a new journey together. I’m not in love with him, but I feel a sense of love towards him and for him.

Maybe I’m lonely, but I’m lonely in general and for some reason, sometimes I seek him out more than even he or myself even knows.

I find myself wanting to tag him in random posts, but sometimes I’m worried he’ll see them and think ” Uh, why would you tag me in this? what does this post even mean in regards to me? “. Or that I’m being pushy and annoying with how I feel.

I care about him, and I remind him way too much.. atleast too much in my eyes, but I actually do. I care and sometimes when I tell him that I love him, I need to know myself that I do. I just want himto know that even though i don’t understand his mind sometimes, or the particular situations he’s experiencing, that I’m here and I haven’t left entirely except times when I’m almost disassociating in general or closing off and isolating myself from him and people in general.

I find that I usually close off when I feel like I’m being ovr affectionate and overwhelming.

But I’m glad he’s there, and my intentions with him are more good than bad.

( Maybe you’ll read this some day bue )

Ghost-like Carrier

Slipping in and out of conciousness all the while being awake at the same time                                                                             just running out of space, perametre is smaller than the waiting line

Abruptly woken up by an alarm, watching the surface crack                                                                                                           snapping of the mouth, walking through the marsh

Our souls are just ghosts carrying around a lifeless corpse

Induced preventions

Ranting, screaming through my fingers but for some reason there is a block

Where, when why are there so many things stopping me, i’m allowing them to stop me, prevent me from simply waking up from my zombie-induced body bag

Simply trudging, walking, running through the subway tracks, hoping they’ll cave in and I’ll fall off the brink, edge shattered, sharp.

Just finding my way through the slow dancing legs the trees are waving to me, at me.

Lost Ambitions

I turn the corner and there I am even without a mirror

I look up at the stars and                     my past ambitious self creeps up

I walk to the river bank and                 the water reminds me of all the obstacles I haven’t over come yet
I talk to new people and                        all I can think of is how much I’ve lost myself to