Exhalation Masses

Stinging from the slowly growing masses, he decided to keep trudging, thorough and deep strides

Knowingly stomping through the grounds of massacreic meanderings, he didn’t care that his hopes were becoming his own version of hell, created and formed, designed for the soul purpose of getting used to a taste of a place he would soon know

Desire for the rupture, storming approached lessons, he ran through every detail that troubled his empty sockets, charging as he plugged in the waves

Walking, realizing that everything he breathed in were just remnants of everyone else’s exhalations, carrying their burdens and making them his own so that his appeared disadvantaged

He wanted to be invisible only because that’s what he was used to, so he trudged into the place he knew well, the corners of every crevice of every memory and sliced them in pieces, threw them into his veins and slowly drowned them as he was drowning with the loudness of all his thoughts

Venomous Pollination

You looked and I sat here, swallowing the bitter orchids
They were just swaying in the pollinatious sea of venomous weeds

I wanted to drown, oh so beautifully amongst the glowing creatures
But you were flying too high where even the clouds couldn’t see

You said to me, the words your voice had told you, wisdom is not always born with you unless you are wisdom itself
And I dove so far into the wild forestry

I poked my head above the current, flowing so fast, you laughed as you saw panic strucken smacked across my face
And off I went, blowing into the tundras

Employed By Depression

I keep running away from almost every opportunity I get, especially with jobs.

But in reality, depression has become like a job to me over the past 10 or 11 years.

It’s consumed almost every ounce of me. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing or not doing, it doesn’t matter if I’m with people or alone.

Every other day if not everyday is a constant struggle with having too much sleep or not sleeping enough, eating or not eating at all, feeling alone yet needing to isolate myself so that I don’t annoy people.

People tell me to find a hobby, to get up and do something, but even when I find a hobby.. or do something I feel I’m decent at, I either lose interest by finding another interest or I get bored or give up because it’s too difficult.

What seems to be my rock bottom, usually doesn’t feel like it’s enough to help me soar to the surface.

Yet despite all of these things, I’m still fighting even when I’m on my last straw.

I’m still fighting even when I feel as though I’m at my lowest point.

Someone once told me that it’s sometimes harder to let go than it is to hold on.

That may not be true for some people, but I feel as though it’s true for me personally because no natter how much I want to give into letting my body give up, no natter how many times I run away and create a new identity, no matter how many times I try to give up, for some reason, I snap out of it. I find something that motivates me without even searching for it and it’s enough until it isn’t enough again.

Sleeping Differences

Remember when we would lose so much sleep over talking witheachother that our time difference didn’t seem to make any difference at all?

Remember how we’d go to sleep saying good night baby and wake up asking how achieve had slept?

Remember how we had our special or names for each other and we were so obvious in chat rooms?

Remember how every time someone flirted with one another, how jealous we’d get and then talk through every argument?

Oh how much sleep I lose now, but no longer because we talk to each other unto the wee hours of the night.

Oh how we spend our nights no longer saying goodnight and our mornings without a sweet greeting.

Oh how our pet names are now just eachother’s usernames or actual names.

Oh how we are no longer eachother’s baby, so getting jealous isn’t our right anymore.

Oh how the times have changed.

– We still talk, by it’s small conversation and nothing really said anymore. Distance no longer matters because we’ve already finished. But oh how I still think of you from time to time.

Galaxy Ridden

Walking along the throws of the universe
Speckled, necklaces strung together made of the stars that are shining
Forming your name, screaming your
Existence, and for an instance
Maybe you and I can believe in something
And not think we’re nothing

Take me to the hurricanes, show me their outcomes
Watch me squirm as the tornados shed their arms upon my head
Tread, me softly
Read me hard

Cement Toil

This feeling, literally gut wrenching
Curdling, sitting and benching
People by the ears

Fizzy cauldron thoughts, boiling
Toiling with my thoughts
Quickly inhaling the droughts
Brought upon by the horrendous thunder storm
Exhaling shrapnel, cement falling bricks behind my eyes like a window to the soul, standing broken and all
A part

Physically ill, mentally off the pill
Taking away the thrill
Of bring criminally insane
Washing my life, drain
Straining my back from pulling on your heart strings

I mean well, things I say
They may sting
A bit, tearing through you, bring
Me your greatest pleasures
And make me your best treasure

Sleepless Needs

So worth losing sleep over, you are
What I want and need but all of a sudden I start seeing you as someone I want to see in a bad way
Because my mind tends to turn what’s good into something that kills me faster but doesnt kick in until later
I want you, but I’m too tainted, poisoned, I am
Trying but not trying hard enough and my wings are telling me to fly but the temperature is dropping
Falling back onto the ground, one wing pointing upwards and the other being laid upon