When I saw you
Familiar, but unfamiliar in the sense that I couldn’t remember where or if my eyes had ever set foot on your eyes before
Trampling over your aura with my eyes on the prize, your mind
Jesus, Jesus I’m not sure if you see me as a frog or a prince, but sometimes I’m both
The light, it does shine through my drapes, you were right but the dark is where I’m at
You broke into laughter when you saw me that day because you said I was darker than the bottom of the ocean
And scarier than what inhabits it
I looked over your shoulder whilst you looking over mine
And for one second, I could have sworn I saw the devil shaking your eyes
But when I asked you, you shed a new layer and then another and another
Until you unraveled on the floor like a kick to a ball of yarn
I got a shovel and scooped you into a pale, dumped the contents into my hair and rubbed your embers on my face
Because atleast then, I knew you were vulnerable
Atleast then, I knew you couldn’t walk away
Soaking you in like a ray of light
Basking in your evergreens and your forevers
I found a new home that day
Not in you
But through you
There are jaws that clench worse than those holding back words
These ones gnaw at you from the inside out, flowing through your own body
The devil is real, I’ve seen him
His powers are strong, I’ve felt them
The devil is real, I’ve heard him
His whispers are blood curdling, I’ve tasted them
Oh the irony of hurting those who have done you no harm
I just laugh when karma hits me
Because daddy Satan is happy
Sometimes I need to tease him into loving me
You shouldered something quite heavy
With thoughts fluttering around like
A fairy spreading dust
You fled into the sky
Tempting to exist only underground
But once you got a taste of the graveyard in the sky
You never set foot back down
Knocking around as the turbulence in your heart shook you
You embraced for new chapters that have never had to have been erased
There are stones that have been thrown into my head like a vicious pond, not a necessary cycle
Constant neglecting feeling of abandoned meant, maybe that’s why I’ve been feeling like I’ve been sucked into some sort of void or maybe I am said void
Sometimes I don’t get hit, but when I do, it’s like standing in the middle of a crowd, people talking fast, everything is moving like a carousel but I am slow, standing still and moving at the same time
Am i here? Or have I been disassociating for a few years but didn’t realize?
I am here right now, sitting, typing, I’m alive
Im open to tomorrow, but not closed off
Sometimes it’s as though im on constant house arrest but not in a building but in other people.
When soul sets steady highs
Low light controls
Im falling into flashing attire
And all I can do is sit and watch the streets whine as I make my way towards peace
Im not sure when I lost my mind, but I’m attempting to find out how to live without some sort of piece of hell inside me like a piece of gravel against scar
Tissue, wonder why I can’t be as tough as a calas, the ones on my heart worn dry
Thin, I am not, head weak, strong shoulders to support my cranium
And there we have it, sometimes im curious if other people can see through my window, cemented screens
I just want to hold something other than my past above my head
Maybe smile or three
There are words that are louder simply just from not being said, but we know they’ll paralyze the person’s ability to look at us the same way again
So we just sit with the hum
Until our channel disconnects
You’re still sitting wanting to see me
But you have a new person now to occupy your thoughts
You’re allowed to see them, talk to them, feel good by them
Why am I jealous of such ships that I’ve drowned myself in before
Not the same, but similarly speaking
And I just can’t seem to fathom the idea
That maybe someone one day will do more than just tolerate me
Sorry, sorry that I have such a fucked up mind
Sorry, sorry I can’t always communicate other than miscommunicating
through destruction
And I must say you’re looking so good
So happy and I’m glad that someone’s helping you find that
in yourself
Please promise me though, that you won’t get hurt
That you won’t let pain in
I’ve seen you happy, this is it, keep it
I’ll be here, for when you need an ear
Even when I’m not here, I’m here
Escape me, jump in
Run, not away
Run, what are you waiting for?
He said he would always be here
Here he is knocking at my own mind’s window
But the door has been broken in, walked over
Trampled over as an inconvenience
I am just an inconvenience, but he stays because he knows that
I am not worth much
And he stays because he loves how sad I get
He’s slaying me and not with a physical weapon
but his words are crowding me, drowning me, lowering me
into a den of my past regrets
Watching me scramble for air
What have I done to become
such a fowl beast of despair?
Waiting to push them aside, waiting for this to walk on by
like a stranger telling me their secrets one second
the next, it’s as though I never heard a thing
Never listened a thing
Never peeped an eye
Please leave me alone sir, I was doing fine on my own
or was I? I don’t even remember a time when you didn’t whisper horrible nothings in my hole
Please sir, please just stop tormenting me
Embraeyceing 