I watched as a man stood near me, talking to a bee, trying to let it wash itself before he captured it to let it outside
In thise few moments, I thought about all of those times I failed to let insects be themselves, they are hust babies trying to navigate the world just as we are
We can learn so much about the world through all of the crawling and flapping of the wings, if we just paid nore attention
Writings From The Cafe
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I used to sit behind you
staring at you until
the pews looked like they were on fire
In reality, it was my brain that was swelling with flames
flames that you started
flames that you fueled and then walked away from
I used to wonder if you destroyed others like you stole me
stole parts of me
stole my weakest parts
I am who I am today, but not because of you
but because I stopped, dropped and rolled away from you
like the teachers taught us to do when we were engulfed in sparks
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I shouldn’t complain
because I could be worse
but my worse keeps getting worse
and my best is alightly my best
and I’m struggling to part the clouds instead of laying on them
Can I just stop fighting my brain and let the sides of my skull naturally cave in?
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I stopped feeding my body the nourishments it’s been fed for so long, the seeds in my brain have been tampered with.
Oh, I see that I’m breaking, but is one really broken if they are only missing pieces?
I’ve never known this so called wholeness people are seeking and maybe when I’m diving to depths I’ve only dreamt of in my sleep, I’m really mourning the loss of caring that I wanted to be like everyone else in the first place.
I enjoy it when the universe tries to destroy me because it’s when I feel the most alive, the most like myself, the most unlike anyone else I’ve ever come across.
When the lightning strikes, It’s as though I’m being hit with a lethal dose of my own medicine and that both terrifies and excites me
Because I am everything some people fear, but I’m also more than just a beast wearing another lover’s face
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What is it that youre attempting to achieve here?
Youre barely here
Youre not even there
But youre finding a home elsewhere
And im trying to find myself in the middle of nowhere
What are you even doing?
Youre not sure
Youre not even trying to make me feel secure
You make me feel so impure
They ask me why I liked abandoned places
And id always muster up some sort of reasoning
The truth is, I like to set foot in buildings that many people
Have left behind because
I have abandoned myself more than I’ve stayed in one place
And it feels so familiar, so eery
Like I do at times
And instead of letting my thoughts decay me, I throw them inside the windows and watch nature reclaim them