What is it that youre attempting to achieve here?
Youre barely here
Youre not even there
But youre finding a home elsewhere
And im trying to find myself in the middle of nowhere
What are you even doing?
Youre not sure
Youre not even trying to make me feel secure
You make me feel so impure
So many different words
For every face
But I cant seem to find a reason
For this discomfort
So many different souls trying to
Ignite some sort of spark
Just to fuse together
When they need to soar away
So many different bodies
Intertwining with mismatched heartbeats
And racing thoughts of something else
Not knowing what to do
There’s that feeling again
Of you touching my spine
But it feels both warm and uncomfortable
Is that you?
How did you find me here?
There’s that feeling again
Of you trying to comfort me
But it feels so strange
Like it might not even be you
But this seems to happen whenever I appear to be lost
I was becoming fine
Or atleast I thought I was
Until I let you come back
And now, I’m re-locking my doors twice
Flicking the lights on and off twice
Biting my cheeks and touching things twice
I was fine until my body desired affection again
And now I’m aching for my soul to fall out of all of my identies and form as one
You’re too busy being the mouse
Waitong to taunt the cat
And when my tail creeps closer
To your trap
You laugh and run off
You’ll find a new hole home in another cat’s life
And you’ll tease them until they give in
And you’ll run back to the old victum
Acting like you are the victum
But darling, everyone dispises you
So quit playing your own game
I write about you like you put the stars in my eyes
And you know what?
I’d rather write about you than talk to you because paper won’t disappoint me like you will
And I’ll write about you until my heart fills with self love
And I’ll write about you until my pen snaps from the weight of my thoughts
It’s funny how the legs on the table have turned in on themselves
You’re the top
And you’re pushing down on the old dented me
But while you were gone, I attempted to prop my heart up with the smell of used books
And the twigs of an old tree branch
You came back and left faster than the wind was able to whisper to the leaves that I’m okay without you
And it was as though they accidentally fell into your ego and sprouted cherry blossoms
Into your head
Instead of mine
And that’s how you knew
I’m waiting for you
To weed yourself
Out of my head
Waiting for you to pluck
Yourself from my wings
And be your own spine
I asked where you were going
You drove by and answered
Little boy, I’m going crazy, wanna come?
Little did I know, I already was on the road to where he was heading
Even though he never told me exactly where the roads met to be considered losing sanity
But I could taste the rusting familiarity on my tongue
As I fell face first into the gravel
After being warned that I was doing it all wrong
Stubborn, I was, but needed to learn on my own before it was too late to be taught
And now I’m too old to be scolded twice and too young to have watched a thousand sunsets wipe across my eyes
But I felt the rose petals drop before they rose up from the ground
And I kissed them
Writings from the cafe
They ask me why I liked abandoned places
And id always muster up some sort of reasoning
The truth is, I like to set foot in buildings that many people
Have left behind because
I have abandoned myself more than I’ve stayed in one place
And it feels so familiar, so eery
Like I do at times
And instead of letting my thoughts decay me, I throw them inside the windows and watch nature reclaim them
