She, Said The Sea.

I’ve tried to reach out
to people
to the birds
but I can’t even talk to myself
without venting to the sea
about how her moods are too light
for even my own obstacles

I’m trying to ground myself in her eyes
as her eyelids crash into the sands of old buildings
built upon open grains

Obsessed Fall

I haven’t fallen
out of love
with myself yet
obsessing with
who I’ve obsessed over

I haven’t fallen
inlove
with myself yet
obsessing with not obsessing
over obsessing

I haven’t run
out of time
to prepare
for the now
instead of wallowing in yesterday

I haven’t run
out of love
for you
for her
for them
for me

I don’t know if I’m meant to be here
to be there
to swallow
myself whole
or just jump

I don’t know if I’m meant to
drown
or to wade
underneath the sunset
of next year’s arms

Screamed Seven

7, finally stumbling across
the right words to scream outloud
but coming out in waves of
fake emotions
coming across with little to no sense

I waited so long to cry out into the palms of
my mother’s ears
when I could have said what needed to be yelled
across the fires of the pews

But I couldn’t find the right way to
crawl into the arms of the devil’s skin
that night
when I realized
he fucked me over
with open wings
and closed eyelids

You are so much more

didn’t appreciate you as much as one might
And maybe you might want to blame me
And I hope you do because it is my fault

It is not your fault that you let me in and I couldn’t keep my door open enough to let your light in

It is not your fault that you felt so deeply for someone who makes webs out of people and fights to weave through it when the person packs up and flees

It is not your fault that you are choosing happiness over heart ache, if anything, isn’t that more rewarding than going to bed wondering whether someone is going to leave or not?

You are a strong light, not just a strong shoulder for those who can’t always feel.

You are not a sponge even if it seems like you just keep soaking and your heart keeps growing

You are not the broken promises used to build you up and destroy you lower

You are not the pain you feel or the people who try to take your good things away

You are you, you are yourself, you are a good person

You are doing what’s best for you and you will get through

To you, CinFox.

I see, or so I thought I saw
Something less but something more

I saw, or so I think I saw
Something more out of something less

And I saw what I see now and I see what I saw then
Out of something less came something more

Graved Truths

I’d be lying
If I didn’t try
To tell you the truth
About wanting to lay down
Inside and stew
In my own grave

I’d be lying
If I spilt but didn’t cry
Whenever I needed to escape
This headspace cave
Built from nothing

Induced preventions

Ranting, screaming through my fingers but for some reason there is a block

Where, when why are there so many things stopping me, i’m allowing them to stop me, prevent me from simply waking up from my zombie-induced body bag

Simply trudging, walking, running through the subway tracks, hoping they’ll cave in and I’ll fall off the brink, edge shattered, sharp.

Just finding my way through the slow dancing legs the trees are waving to me, at me.