Day 23 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

We Don’t Eat ( Adventure Club Remix ) by James Vincent McMorrow

What stereotypes are put on trans people?

Personally, being a Transman, I’ve been asked ” If you’re dating a girl, doesn’t that still make you a lesbian?”

Or, “You’re too feminine to be masculine, why do you wear dresses and paint your nails?”. 

I think that people who aren’t educated or just simply don’t understand what being Transgender means, they may still think that we have to be solidly one gender, that we can’t be fluid, or still embrace our femininity or masculinity of our biological sex. 

 

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Writings of a not-so-called writer.

Can you call yourself a writer if you aren’t published and don’t write various different types and forms of writing?

Can you call yourself a writer if you don’t even write things often?

I just say I write instead of calling myself a writer, unless I’m using hashtags as writers because it helps my poetry navigate the internet better.

It’s amazing how you can be so into writing for a while, almost anything and everything inspires you to write. It could be something as simple as a little speck of dust.

The dust, who knows what exactly that dot is speckled with, how long ago it drifted from out of nowhere.

Or something that can be written about a million times in a million different ways such as a person.

They sat there, all they did was sit there and I was taken aback. only my mind knew what to say while my mouth couldn’t vocalize those thoughts.

Sometimes, it doesn’t really take something I’ve seen before or something I’ve heard or said before to spark the desire, the yearning to jot down words in the form of poetry, rhyming or not.

I just turn on music, usually the old same songs I listen to on repeat or I dip into the waters of unfamiliar sounds to my ears and I just start writing.

I used to write about what I felt falling in love would feel like. Then I started writing about heart break, insanity and I even wrote some pieces while drinking alcohol. I’d often find myself re-reading what I’ve written the previous night in the wee hours of the night/morning and I found that my mind was all over the place, as it always seems to be, but it was more obvious in what was on the programs I type in on my laptop, and spilled onto paper.

I go through periods of time where I don’t even pick up a pencil or a pen and then I meet someone who inspires me, who is there and who I’m intrigued by. Whether it be someone I’m into or a person I met waiting at the bus stop on a rainy or snowy day.

Then I start getting back into the scene. Barely eating, staying up later, talking with that one person and not doing much other than writing about them or something they’ve said or I’ve just simply thought about them.

Writing, I’d have to say can be hard, but is one of my biggest releases. Escapes.

 

 

 

 

Day 22 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Snowblind Featuring Tasha Baxter by Au5

Do you feel being trans holds you back from your career choice?

As of current, I don’t really know what my career choice would be. Growing up, I could see myself working with children, how? I’m not sure. So on that note, I had went to College to become an Early Childhood Educator and I didn’t really know if that was what I saw in my head as to what I wanted to do.

When I worked with children, near the end of my time working at the last childcare centre I had worked at, I was starting to question my gender again. I had already been known to the children my Miss (even though some kids said Mrs because I used to do that as well growing up out of habit – Insert my last name here -. I had already been known as ” she ” and other female pronouns. I didn’t know how to ask if I could start being called Jasper by my bosses and co-workers and Mr. – Insert my last name here -.

As of right now, it is something that I worry about having to bring up in future jobs and employment in general because for one, I haven’t legally changed my name or gender marker and my voice is still feminineish.

It only holds me back a little bit, sometimes I just play off being female still and deal with it. 

So many thoughts, words come to my mind and they’re usually the same ones that spill

want to climb, crawl out of my womb of a skull

cradling my undeveloped thoughts

just take me back to a time where it was okay to say what I needed

wanted to yell, because now everything’s a crime to some

times a dozen, leads you to things

Stuck in the middle somewhere.

I have no idea what I’m going to do. I used to believe that I was someone and whenever things started to close in around me, things ended up looking up.

Now here I am, 25 years old, the year is a few months shy of ending and I’ve barely even made an income this year.

I graduated from Highschool and College with a Diploma, which I was the first among my siblings to graduate from College, which meant and means something to me. But was I just doing what I was ” supposed ” to do as a human being? 

Sometimes I think that I wasted my money because I’m no longer working in the field I studied in, but I was and did and I’m not sure if it’s what I really wanted to do.

I wanted to drop out so badly near the end of it, I pushed through the two years. I had met a few people during those two years who opened my eyes to new experiences and supported me in many ways.

Those people are rarely in my life now. I’ve managed to push them away. I was dating someone while studying and now I’m just sitting here basking in loneliness and depression and I keep getting a few job offers here and there, mostly temp work and I keep turning them down.

I know that things will get better if I keep believing that I can be someone again, I know that I used to be going somewhere.

I’ll get there, some how, some way, even if I end up doing things on my own.

 

Day 21 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

You Call That A Knife? This Is A Knife! by Capture The Clown

Your views on the cis-gendered community?

Cis people are cis people. I don’t like that cis people are known as ” normal ” and Transgender people and non-binary identifying individuals are seen as otherwise. 

I don’t have much to say about this.

Day 20 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I’m listening to while writing this post:

Mammoth by The Devil Wears Prada

Do you want to be a parent, why or why not?

My mind switches, sometimes I want to be, other times I don’t.

I want to atleast be stable both financially and mentally before I considering bringing a child into this world and my home.

Even if I don’t end up being in a relationship with someone, I’d like to adopt a child and raise them by myself.

I grew up being surrounded with children and I even used to be an Early Childhood Educator. I no longer work with children, but I have younger siblings.