Tw: rape
Tw: self harm
Just seventeen and you didn’t even Want me to close my eyes and power through
but I did anyways
despite what I did to you
I watched you cry and slice your arm
and laughed because I didn’t care
and I wanted to hurt you
because I couldn’t sit with how good you made me felt
and that wasn’t your fault
I took advantage of the softest parts of you and you were not sober
and I didn’t care
because I had excuses
Just seventeen and you had no idea I’d try to ruin you
want to destroy you
and it got to the point where
I didn’t know that it would
all come and eat me one day
Showed me downtown
stood there and held me as I screamed
and threw tantrums just so you’d have sex with me
I normally wouldn’t write about this in great detail
but I’m trying to be true to myself now
and nothing can take back anything
and I did deserve karma
but I acted like you did everything wrong
You did some things wrong
but mostly after I quenched my own thirst
when you were pouring what you had
into my mouth
when it should have been sewn shut
I’m sorry I hurt you
and I’ll never be able to apologize without
it backfiring again and it should
but please know that I take full accountability and you didn’t deserve that
I did have feelings for you and I can’t use the ” oh I’m just a boy, that’s how I show how I feel “, because that’s bullshit. But I did care about you and sometimes I wish it were different
Thank you for showing me the worst pets of hell and for softening it all at the same time
Sharing allows my words to reach someone else's mind.
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