My leg is burning
From leaning my arm
To hold my head up
So it doesn’t go low
From thoughts of you
And stress over you
And sadness for you
My eyes are tired
From waiting for you to show up
And tell me things to confirm
That I’m not just a fool
I spent so many years as a zombie, now the only difference is my brain is alive and my body is looking for it
I spent so many years on a trial for my sanity
30 days turned into 6 months and then I fell off the band wagon and was left scrambling for more feelings that tripped over my eyes
I spent so many years walking towards a new clock instead of ticking on my own
On my own time, on my own watch
And now, I’m having conversations with versions of people I’ve created
And now, I’m craving the old stale taste of burning kisses
And now, I’m spending way too much time on my own that it’s growing more difficult to pluck out my own petals
We were driving and that song came on
And everytime it rings in my ears
You’re there
Just you and I, siblings of the night
With dancing thoughts
And strands of hair resting calmly over our eyes
We were never super close, but you’ve made an impact on me
Without your support, and her’s, maybe I’d still be wishing that the night would just enfold around me and crush my dreams
But thanks to you, you brought to life more love for me
When I was young, I’d sit in that rocking chair
And I’d zone out
Sometimes I’d just go into another world
And even when I snapped back, I just hovered
Above reality
Between comfort
Underneath Disgust
I’d make words out of the loose bolts grinding against it’s machined body
And convince myself that there wasn’t much more than that
Sometimes I sit and feel something so strong
And other days, nights don’t exist
I wonder when my body will decide to finalize the divorce with my mind
Because I’ve been wanting my soul to feel it’s true freedom
I’m hoping that my skin will crack and my breath will seep through my shaking nerves and calm my bones as I release into the night
I’ll hover above like a creature quietly humming inside one’s ear
And whisper such lullabies
As the river carries my physical heart down the canal
The soft settle sound of the rain
Tapping the windshield of my inner mind
But no one knows
They just think they know
How I work and what makes me tick
But the clock is broken underneath my heart, it only tocks
And my thoughts are rocking me back and forth
Roughly and smoothly soothing me to sleep
As the storm washes through everything I’ve ever destroyed
What is it that youre attempting to achieve here?
Youre barely here
Youre not even there
But youre finding a home elsewhere
And im trying to find myself in the middle of nowhere
What are you even doing?
Youre not sure
Youre not even trying to make me feel secure
You make me feel so impure
