I’ve tried to reach out
to people
to the birds
but I can’t even talk to myself
without venting to the sea
about how her moods are too light
for even my own obstacles
I’m trying to ground myself in her eyes
as her eyelids crash into the sands of old buildings
built upon open grains
I haven’t fallen
out of love
with myself yet
obsessing with
who I’ve obsessed over
I haven’t fallen
inlove
with myself yet
obsessing with not obsessing
over obsessing
I haven’t run
out of time
to prepare
for the now
instead of wallowing in yesterday
I haven’t run
out of love
for you
for her
for them
for me
I don’t know if I’m meant to be here
to be there
to swallow
myself whole
or just jump
I don’t know if I’m meant to
drown
or to wade
underneath the sunset
of next year’s arms
7, finally stumbling across
the right words to scream outloud
but coming out in waves of
fake emotions
coming across with little to no sense
I waited so long to cry out into the palms of
my mother’s ears
when I could have said what needed to be yelled
across the fires of the pews
But I couldn’t find the right way to
crawl into the arms of the devil’s skin
that night
when I realized
he fucked me over
with open wings
and closed eyelids
Are you sure you even know who I am anymore?
You used to tell me to grow the
fuck up and look at myself
Are you sure you’re fine now?
Without me, you’re fine, you’re okay
and so am I
he mountains have shrunk within the shoulders of the moon, but I’ve been watching her eyes flicker back and forth like a broken wire, looking for revenge in the lightning
I watched as a man stood near me, talking to a bee, trying to let it wash itself before he captured it to let it outside
In thise few moments, I thought about all of those times I failed to let insects be themselves, they are hust babies trying to navigate the world just as we are
We can learn so much about the world through all of the crawling and flapping of the wings, if we just paid nore attention
Writings From The Cafe
I used to clean my ears so much
and I didn’t understand why until today
I was trying to push the voice that told me that I was better off falling in my own, through to the other side
I’d wet the end of a q-tip, hoping the water would drown out my thoughts, instead it made them float
