I watched as a man stood near me, talking to a bee, trying to let it wash itself before he captured it to let it outside
In thise few moments, I thought about all of those times I failed to let insects be themselves, they are hust babies trying to navigate the world just as we are
We can learn so much about the world through all of the crawling and flapping of the wings, if we just paid nore attention
Writings From The Cafe
I used to clean my ears so much
and I didn’t understand why until today
I was trying to push the voice that told me that I was better off falling in my own, through to the other side
I’d wet the end of a q-tip, hoping the water would drown out my thoughts, instead it made them float
I’m being rocked back and forth like the cradle we were all warning children about
But instead of falling out, pieces of me were already missing, clinging to the insides of a tree’s bitter fruit
I’m still yearning to be held like an abandoned kitten left at the side of the road, only my family is still here
I’m trying to see if the tides will tie me over with their frightening charm, but I’m slowly breaking my own neck looking back at my old self
Straining my ears from pushing my own voice down them to see if it’ll slither out the other side
I just want to cry without being sad and laugh without anger
am I even thinking
of tomorrow
and not letting go of yesterday?
I’m dreaming of a broken sunrise
and hoping that I can heal myself with the moon
dead of the night, shining to guide me with her
tiny little hat
sitting ontop of a glowing head
I want so many things
but I keep bumping into
One Minute Poem.
Sometimes I wonder how people see me
and if I look anything like how I feel I do
Do they see the speck of anxiety that’s been forming and growing inside of my body since I was an infant? Maybe it’s just me.
Sometimes I just want to lay back down on the pavement after a long day of swimming through the algae, waving at the cicadas kissing the foreheads of passing by moths and just listen to the sizzling of the hot stones underneath my ears
Does the sun know how many times I stared at her even when people told me not to? I just wanted to challenge myself, to see how long I could give into her radiance even if it meant that I’d lose some sense of sight.
I used to sit behind you
staring at you until
the pews looked like they were on fire
In reality, it was my brain that was swelling with flames
flames that you started
flames that you fueled and then walked away from
I used to wonder if you destroyed others like you stole me
stole parts of me
stole my weakest parts
I am who I am today, but not because of you
but because I stopped, dropped and rolled away from you
like the teachers taught us to do when we were engulfed in sparks
I shouldn’t complain
because I could be worse
but my worse keeps getting worse
and my best is alightly my best
and I’m struggling to part the clouds instead of laying on them
Can I just stop fighting my brain and let the sides of my skull naturally cave in?
