Counting Constructions

​I’m shedding in numbers

Dying in slumbers

All people remember

Is what I did last November
I’m running around bushes

Watching as every season rushes

People sit on my heart and

Stab me like a pin cushion
I’m in love with destruction

Ruining self construction

I’m becoming an inconvenience to the devil

Because I’ve fought off more than he bit off

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Harsh Decay

​My eyes are soft with decay

Like a ceiling’s abandonment

My heart is sharp like an icicle

Like a harsh snowfall against a car window

Unless.

I refuse to give my heart to someone unless they’re on life support

I refuse to lean on someone else unless I physically need to

I refuse to give an arm and a leg to someone unless they need an actual replacement

I refuse to allow someone to take my breath away unless their lungs are in desperate need

I refuse to bleed for someone unless they are at a blood loss

Coursing Palpitations

I’ve attempted to, even when I haven’t, to guilt trip you and                                                                                                   make you feel like you did me wrong, when really I let you go so soon                                                                                     and maybe I was just way too weak to stay, too weak to admit that I want you, mostly you

Although you’ve made it clear that the we that had transitioned                                                                                               to us has become no longer, I’m still trying to figure out if it was more than                                                                             just our seperate troubles, other factors besides the distance eating us

I sometimes wake up in a panic, struck over the heart, body hit                                                                                               with the storm that I had created for the both of us and                                                                                                             all I can seem to be able to do is wade it out with every few                                                                                                     fiber that is left circulating, coursing through my very body

Hurting, is what this may be, regret, guilt, not quite inlove-love, but                                                                                     love is still being felt up even after letting myself let you down and                                                                                           I can feel us slowly disappearing out of eachother’s lives and it’s killing me

Decaying Pathogens

My eyes are glazing over with the blossoming of the sunlight                                                                                                             Clear my gaze with the extended clarity that embarks your every move

My heart is growing weaker underneath the sweaty beating rays by the sun                                                                                        Water my slowly disintegrating stringed-together breed

My soul just keeps absorbing everything in its path amongst the destructive pathogens                                                                    Make way for the decaying bumps stemming from the root of my entire existence

My lungs want to fill up with plants instead of the oxygen that they shower the world with                                                                 Tear down the barriers that are preventing my chest from becoming lightened beneath the glowing canopies

Tainted Windows

It scares me how easily someone is able to see through my windows

Especially seeing as how I usually heavily curtain what’s behind them

It frightens me to no end to think that someone could keep my happiness going

When I so much as deprive myself of the positivity

Trembling Intentions

You hinted that you wanted inside my head

I smothered you with the warmest temptatons

But scolded you with the cruelest intentions

Words that have not yet reached my trembling vocal chords

You told me that you still wanted to know about me

I took that into my own one hand with a slight flick of the softest wrist

Used my cold hand with a more harsher affect by allowing you to feel the things I’ve done

You still wanted me to show you more

I tried to dig deeper into my vault of nightmares

Ended up opening old wounds just to have you touch them with an ooze of kindness

Running, I started to run, while my body stood still and you looked at me

” Oh child, I want you, need you to let me in ”

Mouth wide, breathing sounds escaped from the space, but no words rolled off my tongue

I knew from that moment that you had seen not what you wanted, but turned the sights into something soft