Rocking

I’m being rocked back and forth like the cradle we were all warning children about

But instead of falling out, pieces of me were already missing, clinging to the insides of a tree’s bitter fruit

I’m still yearning to be held like an abandoned kitten left at the side of the road, only my family is still here

I’m trying to see if the tides will tie me over with their frightening charm, but I’m slowly breaking my own neck looking back at my old self

Straining my ears from pushing my own voice down them to see if it’ll slither out the other side

I just want to cry without being sad and laugh without anger

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Pew

I used to sit behind you
staring at you until
the pews looked like they were on fire

In reality, it was my brain that was swelling with flames
flames that you started
flames that you fueled and then walked away from

I used to wonder if you destroyed others like you stole me
stole parts of me
stole my weakest parts

I am who I am today, but not because of you
but because I stopped, dropped and rolled away from you
like the teachers taught us to do when we were engulfed in sparks

Complaint Caves

I shouldn’t complain
because I could be worse
but my worse keeps getting worse

and my best is alightly my best
and I’m struggling to part the clouds instead of laying on them

Can I just stop fighting my brain and let the sides of my skull naturally cave in?

Chaotic Technicality

Music I listened to while typing this poem out:

Without You – Oh Wonder

I didn’t want to push, rush the chaos                                                                     Oh good old chaos, destruction                                                                           reconstruction of this mind digging torture

You know, no one can drill in                                                                                 deep where there is only surface now                                                                       so get chipping away

Use your best tools and your latest techniques                                                 mine are so old and as concrete                                                                                     I don’t worship things anymore                                                                               but I like the idea that I’m already                                                                           creating a home for myself

After I leave this dreaded head space                                                                           I walk around so weak and I used to                                                                     appear quiet because I didn’t want                                                                     people to know about me

Now I trudge around dragging my demons                                                       along my skin for people to see but                                                                             I don’t bother with quick answers

Conversations, I love those. Intellectual                                                             spill your cries and what makes you cringe.

I live for what’s holding people back so                                                                     I can compare my pain I need out,                                                                             so maybe stop digging now and                                                                               just throw yourself ontop of me                                                                             while my body sleeps and                                                                                         soul drifts towards the bottom

Denomic Intrusion

Please don’t be scared my darling because no one can be more scared than i am by my own thoughts

Please stay my baby, the worst is in my head and not my hands around you

Lost in your own galaxies.

You’re lost in the sheets of your own mind and I wish they were the ones on my bed

You’re so slowly disappearing among the galaxies in your body and I wish they were entangled with mine

You’re no where to be found, out of  physical eyes sight and I wish you’d allow yourself to get lost in my words

You’re so lovely and you have no idea how much I care about you and I wish that you could read this and come back

– I wrote this for you even though you wanted space and I know that we’re just friends, but even as a friend I feel like you’re not yourself anymore and it makes me miss you so much more.