Fully Tamperng

I stopped feeding my body the nourishments it’s been fed for so long, the seeds in my brain have been tampered with.

Oh, I see that I’m breaking, but is one really broken if they are only missing pieces?

I’ve never known this so called wholeness people are seeking and maybe when I’m diving to depths I’ve only dreamt of in my sleep, I’m really mourning the loss of caring that I wanted to be like everyone else in the first place.

I enjoy it when the universe tries to destroy me because it’s when I feel the most alive, the most like myself, the most unlike anyone else I’ve ever come across.

When the lightning strikes, It’s as though I’m being hit with a lethal dose of my own medicine and that both terrifies and excites me

Because I am everything some people fear, but I’m also more than just a beast wearing another lover’s face

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Above, between, below.

When I was young, I’d sit in that rocking chair
And I’d zone out

Sometimes I’d just go into another world
And even when I snapped back, I just hovered

Above reality
Between comfort
Underneath Disgust

I’d make words out of the loose bolts grinding against it’s machined body
And convince myself that there wasn’t much more than that

Different Difference

So many different words
For every face
But I cant seem to find a reason
For this discomfort

So many different souls trying to
Ignite some sort of spark
Just to fuse together
When they need to soar away

So many different bodies
Intertwining with mismatched heartbeats
And racing thoughts of something else
Not knowing what to do

Twice The Identity

I was becoming fine
Or atleast I thought I was
Until I let you come back

And now, I’m re-locking my doors twice
Flicking the lights on and off twice
Biting my cheeks and touching things twice

I was fine until my body desired affection again
And now I’m aching for my soul to fall out of all of my identies and form as one

Table Top Leaves

It’s funny how the legs on the table have turned in on themselves

You’re the top

And you’re pushing down on the old dented me
But while you were gone, I attempted to prop my heart up with the smell of used books

And the twigs of an old tree branch
You came back and left faster than the wind was able to whisper to the leaves that I’m okay without you

And it was as though they accidentally fell into your ego and sprouted cherry blossoms

Into your head

Instead of mine

And that’s how you knew

Saving Devil

​I just want to my feelings to be felt by a wandering hand

Trying to connect to mine

I just want to stop waiting for you to come around
When you’re gone

I just want to cry until my body shakes

To be let go

I just want my hands to stop clenching from the thought that I’m not enough

But I will be enough for me
And I will cross paths with sanity once again

But for today, I feel sorry for those who have never tasted sickness like I have

I am emotionally crippled by my own faults
And stunted by the sting of your old words
You got me, you almost had me 

But you ran off

And I’m still wondering, wanting, why? Why did you do that? Why did you run into the arms of the devil

When I could have been your saving grace?

We’ll never know