Travelling With Excuses

Tw: rape

Tw: self harm

Just seventeen and you didn’t even Want me to close my eyes and power through

but I did anyways

despite what I did to you

I watched you cry and slice your arm

and laughed because I didn’t care

and I wanted to hurt you

because I couldn’t sit with how good you made me felt

and that wasn’t your fault

I took advantage of the softest parts of you and you were not sober

and I didn’t care

because I had excuses

Just seventeen and you had no idea I’d try to ruin you

want to destroy you

and it got to the point where

I didn’t know that it would

all come and eat me one day

Showed me downtown

stood there and held me as I screamed

and threw tantrums just so you’d have sex with me

I normally wouldn’t write about this in great detail

but I’m trying to be true to myself now

and nothing can take back anything

and I did deserve karma

but I acted like you did everything wrong

You did some things wrong

but mostly after I quenched my own thirst

when you were pouring what you had

into my mouth

when it should have been sewn shut

I’m sorry I hurt you

and I’ll never be able to apologize without

it backfiring again and it should

but please know that I take full accountability and you didn’t deserve that

I did have feelings for you and I can’t use the ” oh I’m just a boy, that’s how I show how I feel “, because that’s bullshit. But I did care about you and sometimes I wish it were different

Thank you for showing me the worst pets of hell and for softening it all at the same time