Dying to get a taste of life.

sunset

Earlier I was out longboarding, just as usual, nothing different. Just lit a cigarette, had my music playing from my phone and pushed my feet off the ground repeatedly to gain speed.

What surrounded me was the same as it always is around this time of the year. Trees blossoming with pretty flowers, colours blended intogether, mosquitos quenching blood and the fresh sent of fall. I’ve seen the same things aorund me for the past 25 years of my life.

But something felt different, everything looked the same, but they felt different. Was it that I was longboarding a bit later than I usually do, or the the sunset fell later than it normally does, or were the wheels of my longboard slowing down?

Do you ever go somewhere you’ve been numerous times before, nothing physically has changed, but you feel change, like some sort of small aspect has changed your outloud on what you see?

I believe that’s what happened, I started appreciating what I saw in that moment. I saw tiny little aspects, I disected the different colours of the sunset, noticed where the mosquitos and other bugs laid to rest and how settle it made me feel in that moment.

It was as though, my worries, my past didn’t haunt me, but settled me and I felt it. I didn’t feel like dying was the answer, but living was.

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Day 28 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Cigarettes by Noah Gundersen

What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don’t do it?

As many people will say, Music. If I don’t listen to music for atleast an hour or two before I sleep at night, I feel thrown off. It’s something I do to release emotional tension. I don’t know why, but it’s something I’ve been doing for the majority of my life and it’s a routine for me and whenever it’s broken and or thrown off, I get agitated and angry.