Complaint Caves

I shouldn’t complain
because I could be worse
but my worse keeps getting worse

and my best is alightly my best
and I’m struggling to part the clouds instead of laying on them

Can I just stop fighting my brain and let the sides of my skull naturally cave in?

Fully Tamperng

I stopped feeding my body the nourishments it’s been fed for so long, the seeds in my brain have been tampered with.

Oh, I see that I’m breaking, but is one really broken if they are only missing pieces?

I’ve never known this so called wholeness people are seeking and maybe when I’m diving to depths I’ve only dreamt of in my sleep, I’m really mourning the loss of caring that I wanted to be like everyone else in the first place.

I enjoy it when the universe tries to destroy me because it’s when I feel the most alive, the most like myself, the most unlike anyone else I’ve ever come across.

When the lightning strikes, It’s as though I’m being hit with a lethal dose of my own medicine and that both terrifies and excites me

Because I am everything some people fear, but I’m also more than just a beast wearing another lover’s face

Find me, I’m not lost.

What is it that youre attempting to achieve here?

Youre barely here
Youre not even there
But youre finding a home elsewhere
And im trying to find myself in the middle of nowhere

What are you even doing?

Youre not sure
Youre not even trying to make me feel secure
You make me feel so impure

Planted Thoughts

They ask me why I liked abandoned places
And id always muster up some sort of reasoning

The truth is, I like to set foot in buildings that many people
Have left behind because
I have abandoned myself more than I’ve stayed in one place

And it feels so familiar, so eery
Like I do at times
And instead of letting my thoughts decay me, I throw them inside the windows and watch nature reclaim them

I Dreamt

I dreamt the truth
Last night, you were someone
I recognized but didn’t know

I woke up crushed
Under the loud noise
That was my heart
Healing itself back together

I stayed alert for a while
In the feeling, with the moment
And I am quickly losing
Most hope for something
That was dead before you walked

I lost most sight of the moon
And only looked for the sun
So I’m regaining focus
On the things that hurt
And redirecting my pain into
Something more loving towards myself

Trapped Grime

​The guilt is finally washing off my back

Grime sliding into the abyss
Everytime I shave my head, it releases 

Me, rips the confined cage open

Leaving my ribs exposed to clarity 

And purity
I don’t need to reminess and hold myself hostage to what happened to me or what I did

I don’t need to wish myself into a better hell anymore
This takes strength, not that I never trip, but I get back up running