Dying to get a taste of life.

sunset

Earlier I was out longboarding, just as usual, nothing different. Just lit a cigarette, had my music playing from my phone and pushed my feet off the ground repeatedly to gain speed.

What surrounded me was the same as it always is around this time of the year. Trees blossoming with pretty flowers, colours blended intogether, mosquitos quenching blood and the fresh sent of fall. I’ve seen the same things aorund me for the past 25 years of my life.

But something felt different, everything looked the same, but they felt different. Was it that I was longboarding a bit later than I usually do, or the the sunset fell later than it normally does, or were the wheels of my longboard slowing down?

Do you ever go somewhere you’ve been numerous times before, nothing physically has changed, but you feel change, like some sort of small aspect has changed your outloud on what you see?

I believe that’s what happened, I started appreciating what I saw in that moment. I saw tiny little aspects, I disected the different colours of the sunset, noticed where the mosquitos and other bugs laid to rest and how settle it made me feel in that moment.

It was as though, my worries, my past didn’t haunt me, but settled me and I felt it. I didn’t feel like dying was the answer, but living was.

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Day 12 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song I’m listening to while writing this post:

Hostpial For Souls by Bring Me The Horizon

What are you doing to stay healthy for transitioning mentally and physically?

To be honest with everyone, I don’t really live a healthy lifestyle.

Although I an say that I go Longboarding a few times a week, even if it’s just to buy an Ice Cap from Tim Hortons or to go to the park to swing on the swing set for a while.

I am starting to go back to a Psychiatrist ( as I do not have a gender therapist as of yet ) that I saw back in January.

I also followed up with this centre in Ontario to see how much longer I have to wait for a gender therapist, let alone book an appointment to see one and they told me that I should only have to wait a little bit longer. I’m actually pretty happy about it.

 

Longboarding makes me feel free.

image

We all have those go to things that help us to escape from our daily lives.

For myself, longboarding is my escape. It gives me a rush that many thing don’t provide me with. I can think about mt daily struggles while boarding, but they don’t feel as heavily burdened upon my very body as they normally do.

Peace and happiness come easier for me when I feel the wind flowing through my leg hair, seeing as the hair on my scalp isn’t long enough to move with the wind.

I can truly say that I’m happy when I can ride over the train tracks even though I slowly start to panic at the thought of my wheels catching and stopping me and causing me to go flying. But every time my board actually does catch on anything such as rocks or holes in the ground, that rush of excitement comes back within the same time frame as being worried and panicking.