Road to Gravel

I asked where you were going
You drove by and answered
Little boy, I’m going crazy, wanna come?

Little did I know, I already was on the road to where he was heading
Even though he never told me exactly where the roads met to be considered losing sanity

But I could taste the rusting familiarity on my tongue
As I fell face first into the gravel
After being warned that I was doing it all wrong

Stubborn, I was, but needed to learn on my own before it was too late to be taught

And now I’m too old to be scolded twice and too young to have watched a thousand sunsets wipe across my eyes

But I felt the rose petals drop before they rose up from the ground
And I kissed them

Writings from the cafe

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Constant Buzzing

You act like my sanity is intact, it isn’t                                                                                                                                             All I do is sit here wondering why I let things slip, so back into fantasy

The sad thing is, it keeps happening yet I have no strength to put a dam in it                                                                               and the rivers would be so jealous, breaking every barrier

Not quite numb, on the verge of a constant buzzing inside and out                                                                                                 I’m climbing higher to my worst state of mind

Leaning on the stars for some gleam of light, beaming bright                                                                                                       all the while dimming, putting a stop to washing out completely

Entering new stages, following old steps and bending the rules                                                                                               Questioning everyone around myself to add to the collection of masks seeped into my skin

Wandering Self

Song I listened to while writing this poem:

Maps & Habits ( 3LAU Mashup )

I’d only be lying if I said everything’s been fixed                                                                                                                   best it’s going to ever be, but how does one that                                                                                                                   things won’t slightly change for better or worst

I’d only be truthful if I said I’ve been feeling                                                                                                                       sorry for myself because atleast I feel visible, if                                                                                                                 almost everyone I know has disentegrated like                                                                                                                     the salt in my wounds

I’d only be lying if I said I didn’t have anything                                                                                                                           I have the sweat on my back and only the present                                                                                                                 and future to make things right

I’d only be truthful if I said I mostly look back and                                                                                                               compare myself with my old self and wonder where                                                                                                           exactly I had lost most, if not all, of my sanity, when                                                                                                               my smallest troubles turned into bigger problems

Sightless seams

Traveling somewhere far
Where will I go
People worry that this is completely dangerous
But only a small part of me seems to care and
All I wanna do us run away
From this insanity
Called gender
But it will only follow along with me
Wherever I seem to go
It will just keep creeping up on me
Within the dark structures of my mind
Slowly taking over control over my heart
As I’m typing to distract myself
I just won’t stop
Because it keeps me sane
We sometimes
Need to escape
In ways that don’t cause past ail harm
To us
Or the ones surrounded
And when the war comes

Destiny is calling for you
Coming for me
Yelling for them
Crying out
The battle cries
Screaming infidelities
What is wrong with you they ask you
While the bombs
Blow their hearts into smithereens
Their shells carried out in
Body bags
Dragged away from the
Crime scene

No grave yards in sight
No eyes to see anything
But feel dust
Falling
Dirt entrapping them