Therapeutic Balances

On Friday October 17th, I had a consultation with a new therapist because recently I’ve decided that I need help with my mental health in general because I’ve put it off for many years and I just keep thinking that quick fixes get me places.

Quick fixes in my experience, really are just quick. They aren’t fixes, but that term just seems to follow the work “quick” sometimes.

Whether it be alcohol, antidepressants or even both of those mixed together. Longboarding, writing, singing, taking walks only soothes the soul so much when you’re burying the things that need to be worked on, pushed through.

For me, I’ve been struggling with dysphoria, with staying at jobs even through the hard times and just other things that have seem to have grown.

At first, I wasn’t sure how my appointment was going to go, because I get really nervous with Psychiatrists and Therapists, professionals in a whole. I got there early, which I wasn’t sure was going to happen seeing as I had to take two transit busses and then a subway to get there and so I waited for a bit.

While I was in the appointment, I felt so free… I’m used to telling complete strangers almost my entire life in stories and poems and whatever, but with therapists, it’s a hit and miss type situation for me. I either hide many details of my life, or I spill almost way too much. This time, I spilt enough information to help me feel great about it.

One minute I want therapy, the next I don’t, but this time I have a great feeling that I’m going to finally allow myself to get the help that I need. I realize that I may never end up being okay without therapy, but I’ll never know unless I try.

Awakened Stamps

When I was a little boy, I was a girl                                                                                                                                                 who enjoyed the presence of dinky cars and                                                                                                                                   ninja turtles pizza shooting toys

Hanging around girls is where you could usually find me                                                                                                           getting excited                                                                                                                                                                               liberated by the thought of people seeing me                                                                                                                               how I felt inside and wondering how I got mixed among the company of the opposite sex

It wasn’t until my hips widened and my given labels made me feel dysphoric                                                                             before I realized what Dysphoric meant                                                                                                                                           that I came to the realization that I was not the stamp that was implanted                                                                                     upon my very being nor did I really fit under one category of personality                                                                                     but too fluid to even have one word to be the definition of

Day 12 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song I’m listening to while writing this post:

Hostpial For Souls by Bring Me The Horizon

What are you doing to stay healthy for transitioning mentally and physically?

To be honest with everyone, I don’t really live a healthy lifestyle.

Although I an say that I go Longboarding a few times a week, even if it’s just to buy an Ice Cap from Tim Hortons or to go to the park to swing on the swing set for a while.

I am starting to go back to a Psychiatrist ( as I do not have a gender therapist as of yet ) that I saw back in January.

I also followed up with this centre in Ontario to see how much longer I have to wait for a gender therapist, let alone book an appointment to see one and they told me that I should only have to wait a little bit longer. I’m actually pretty happy about it.