Stringed Mind

I can’t stand straight
See forward
Breathe softly
The alcohol is calling me
But tonight, I’m answering
Only the things that don’t
Scream my name
Or cry onto me
Here I am
Attempting to
Ignore the overwhelming
Emotion
Not only is it dark
Because at some point
Even the darkness had some
Light to it
This is different
It’s never seen the sun
It’s been sitting
Cradled
Nestled within my very rib cage
Heart you guess, no
Alive you ask, no
Dead you assume, no
Existent you ponder, no
It’s not a heart
It isn’t alive
is not dead
Nor does it exist
For it is something made up
To define one’s inner self
Numb to the core, it is

Dying to come back to life
But it was never alive
Never even breathing

Yet it still somehow
Yearns for my touch
My reply
My everything

Almost giving in
I reach my fingers across
The strings
Strumming
Harder and harder
Against the guitar
Faster and faster
The more I hold it in

I’m bursting, I say
Continue to play me, it said
I’m deeply saddened, I stuttered
Have faith in me, it replied
I just want to be loved, I cried
You’ve given up on me, but I’m still here, it answered

Still I sit here, trying to think of
Something clever to tell you
To sing to you
But all of my words
Come out as jumbled as my brain

Never try to pick through all
Of the layers of anyone
For even if you do
You will wish you never had
For the secrets that lie within
Are so scarily disturbing
That even the person
Withholding this
Information
These patterns
Can’t figure out
What’s going on
Nor do they know how to
Control it

Every fear
Every diagnosis
Every label
Every disease
It somehow allows us
To stick
To define
To mould to it
Like a shape shifter

This time it’s broken
There is no liquid
To turn solid into
A blasphemous shape

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The swallowing darkness no longer concaves the soul

The light of the sun beats down, but the heat radiates elsewhere

The trees are swaying, although the wind ceases to exist

Visions arise concerning the whereabouts of the night

Even the dark is jealous of the rays because it’s radiating positivity

The black tries to instill negativity within it’s surroundings

Attempting to swallow everything in site, in reach

Sometimes it wins, most of the time it wins, it really does

And when it does, it drains everything out of that being, laughing

Smiling with a mouth full of charred teeth

Looking at you with soulless eyes, watching you struggle

Because it knows that it’s easier to give in, rather than to fight

Against it’s very wrath

“I’m okay” they say, “I need help” they say, “But it’s way too hard to get back up” they said

Crying, oceans of salted waters, liquids pouring out like a steady but rough

riverbed, flowing down and around, over and above until there’s nothing left

Except for drowning breaths, shallow heartbeats 

Barely alive emotionally, starting to work on the physical aspects

The light, remember the light? Yes, the light is still there

It still exists and it’s staring it right in the face

Jumping in and rescueing the damaged and preventing damages

Showing it’s power by knocking down everything that has ever scared, broke or even killed

Another being, whether it be human or non-human

The showdown is almost done, but with one fight left

A person getting in between the two most powerful existances

They don’t use words, but show proof

That both sides have been a constant win-lose battle

Lifting up their head, their skin a grey pigment, eyes stained with pain

Glossed over with the reflection of the day

Arms covered in what looks like scars

Barely visible, but still noticeable

Words come crashing down from their mouth, out from under the veil

They confess that they have been letting one of the sides win

Drag them down, into a far abyss

so open and wide, they climbed in

But today they stand in front of their fear, facing it like it had never took a 

Toll on their soul

Heart racing, it beats so hard and it shows

The night stands still and allows the person to continue

It slowly starts to back off as their thoughts begin to take shape

Resembling something fierce

Getting down on their knees, the tears are starting

Trickling, exhausting every inch of their body

A smile appears, which remains for a few minutes

“I’m winning” they said, “The light helps, it’s positive energy is there” they said.

Only the light and the person remain.