Coming Out Exhaustion

​Like the first few days of school, all excited for a new year

I felt similar towards myself when I first came out

But sometimes as the time wore on

I exhausted my closet

For it became needy of it’s own space

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Day 10 – 30 Days Transgender Challenge

I think that since I listen to music often while I’m writing/blogging, I’m going to list the song that I’m listening to as I’m writing just for fun.

Right now I’m listening to A Part Of Me ( Ft. Laura Whiteside ) by Neck Deep.

What are some of your fears in regards to being trans?

Personally, my fears may be different than other people’s fears, but a huge fear of mine is coming out to employers. 

When I was working with children, I was still identifying as female, but I was struggling with pronouns and trying to figure myself out. I was referred to as ” Ms. ” and my last name. I hadn’t asked to use my preferred name. I didn’t know how to go about it.

Then I had an interview at this place and asked if I could go by my preferred name and I never got the job, and I thought by that point I may have gotten it.

At my previous job, I had asked to be referred to as Jay and my boss asked me if that’s what I wanted and he never asked me why. It eased some of my worries.

 

 

Day 06 – 30 Days Transgender Challenge

Who was the first person you told about being Trans?

To be honest, I don’t remember the first person that I entirely came out to.

I do remember though, that I had spoken with my mom and some people online about the fact that I was questioning my self identity.

I came out gradually, but to sum this short post up for today, I believe my mother was the first person I told or one of the first people.

Day 04 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

How did your family take it when you came out? / If you are not out, why aren’t you?

I gradually came out, so it wasn’t as though I walked up to my parents and was like ” Mom, dad, I’m not female. You may think so, but I’m not. “. Infact, it was more so over the course of a few years prior to coming out. ” Mom, I think I want to take testosterone. ” I think I had said that at some point.

My parents don’t accept the fact that I believe that I’m not female. I understand, and I’d like to think that if I had children and I wasn’t Transgender, that I would support them either way.

I’m not out to some of my family members though. I told my older brother via text message one time and he took it better than I thought he would, but my younger brother constantly puts me down and tells me that I’m going to hell and pushes his religion on me.

I was adopted, so I have other brothers and sisters whom I had not grown up with and one of my younger sisters respects my pronouns as best as she can and my name. Sometimes there’s slip ups, especially because we’ve only known eachother for a year and a bit. But she’s come a long way.

As for my birth mother, she doesn’t really say much to me. We’re more aquaintances than anything else. I don’t consider her family really, only by blood, so I don’t really take her opinion to heart.

My cousins refuse to use my preferred pronouns and preferred name just as the family I grew up with. I still love them and I understand, it’s just not that easy.

 

 

Coming out at work

Over the years, I have slowly come out to some people at offering work places. Sometimes I’m hesitant to come out to people I work with because not everyone accepts it. It’s not necessarily because I’m afraid to, I just don’t want to make things awkward, you know?

I haven’t really had any bad coming out situations, and I don’t really have a coming out story. As soon as I questioned my sexuality, I told my mom. It was awkward coming out to my dad I just don’t remember it that much.

I don’t really talk to my older brother about being a lesbian, but I’m okay with that.

I’ve come a long way with accepting myself. I also struggle with gender identity, but for now I only want to come out as a lesbian.

Today I came out to some of my coworkers only because the topic came up and I know that before I come out to people, there’s always that little fear where you think the person won’t accept you or be okay with it, but it usually isn’t that way for me.

I feel so much better because now I don’t have to refer to girls as “they” instead of “he” or “she”. I don’t have to lie and it’s not like I did, but I just didn’t say much.