Therapy Subway

Therapy rides, is what I’m going to refer to them from now on
Those subway journeys to and from the rap sessions
Although sitting is already helping
New environment, different people
Exciting surroundings
Mental illness can sometimes feel like a chore you’ve been burdened with
Crying because you lost a piece of paper with an important date on it but you don’t want to call the dentist office and have them know you’re disorganized
Panicking because you rubbed a piece of constructive criticism a harsh way
But these rides, they keep the good feelings at bay and relax the frustration

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Broken, but slowly healing.

Little did I know, just a little boy myself, that something would be ripped from me
Who’s to say what breaks you or makes you
Analyze, study different aspects
Details, dissecting
I didn’t know that I’d come to hate someone so much
Blame one person for something I most likely gave consent to
Not even knowing what it meant, what was happening
In a daze, little things come to mind, rest a haze
Maze, walking through my mind and he had no idea just what he had stolen
If only he had said something, no
He moved forward, happily
Angry I was, such a hate chewing boy I was
And here I am, still in shambles, scrambling everywhere to discover the things that both broke and died

Day 30 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

The song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Listen by Sent By Ravens

Write a haiku about being trans

I am confined inside

Not as a girl, or a boy

Just a bit of both

 

Day 29 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Hello Time Bomb by Matthew Good Band

Write out something positive about yourself using the letters of your name. Ex. Your name is Bob so B-Beautiful O-Outstanding B-Boy.

I have a few preferred names thta I go by, but I’ll use the name that I’ve been going by for a while.

Joker

Aware

Self-Expressor

Pleaser

Expressive

Revived

I had to look up some words because I had thought of more negative words than positive.

Day 28 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Cigarettes by Noah Gundersen

What is something you have to do everyday or else you feel like your whole day is off if you don’t do it?

As many people will say, Music. If I don’t listen to music for atleast an hour or two before I sleep at night, I feel thrown off. It’s something I do to release emotional tension. I don’t know why, but it’s something I’ve been doing for the majority of my life and it’s a routine for me and whenever it’s broken and or thrown off, I get agitated and angry.

Day 27 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

The Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Mean What You Say by Sent By Ravens

What goals do you have?

Goals:

1. Therapy.

I am currently unemployed and have been for the past short while and I want to start finding a therapist that I will want to stick with and battle some demons that I’ve been struggling with throughout the years.

2. Job.

I have recently signed up with a company to help people with learning disabilities find and keep employment. I feel as though I can benefit from this program and I actually really want to work right now, whether it be part-time or full-time.

3. Move out.

I have never moved out of my parents house. I’ve lived in the same house my entire life and the only time I’ve lived anywhere else was on and off in past relationships, but it was more so just visiting. I want to save enough money to move out.

4. Gender.

I  have been using this time to figure out what I want to do transitioning wise. I really don’t know what I want to do anymore, but I’ve been taking Zinc and Magnesium to help boost my Testosterone levels.

Day 14 – 30 Day Transgender Challenge

Song that I am listening to while writing this post:

Fix You By Coldplay

What are some of your passing tips or things you do to pass?

Before I had ever worn a chest binder, and even currently as I no longer posses a chest binder at the moment, I would layer my shirts, mostly in twos and threes.

I’d make sure that my t-shirts didn’t cling to my chest and if they did, I’d wear a sweater to cover up my chest.

As for having female hips and behind, I would and still wear my jeans low. But I’ve been doing that for years. I also wear a hat or a hoodie to cover the majority of my head or enough to pull over my face as I walk into the men’s washroom.

When it comes to speaking with people, mostly strangers, I’ll either lower my voice or limit what I’m saying. I try not to make it sound forced and or obvious that it’s being forced.