Blue Jays Game

So I’m not really a fan of sports, let alone Baseball. I mean I’d rather play them, but I’m not really into playing sports as much either. I used to okay basketball, but for fun. I also played Badminton in highschool.

So back onto the subject of Baseball, I got invited last minute, the day/night before the game. I said I was open to going because I wanted to be social.

So then after work yesterday (the day of the game), I was about to bail on my friend. I then changed my mind and decided to go.

Before we go there, I had a few shots of vodka, and I don’t really like drinking straight alcohol, but I decided that since a few other people were drinking that I atleast would.

Then my friends and I decided to go and buy Shwarmas and I normally wouldn’t have been able to eat such a huge sandwich sober, but I did.

Then at the game, I didn’t really pay much attention. To be quite frank, I don’t even remember who won. Not because I was typsy/drunk, but because I didn’t pay attention.

I was talking with a few guys I met through my friends and then this one guy randomly started staring at me. I thought I was a creep and I’ve been called a creep many times, but he wouldn’t stop staring. It was really awkward.

To sum up the rest of the night, I was glad that I went. I, being not so social, I would do it again just because I got to hang out with the guys.

Infact, one of them referred to everyone as “guys” or “bros”, I forget which term they used, but it felt nice.

I then woke up with a little bit of a headache and I took tyonel and almost passed out at work.


Coming out at work

Over the years, I have slowly come out to some people at offering work places. Sometimes I’m hesitant to come out to people I work with because not everyone accepts it. It’s not necessarily because I’m afraid to, I just don’t want to make things awkward, you know?

I haven’t really had any bad coming out situations, and I don’t really have a coming out story. As soon as I questioned my sexuality, I told my mom. It was awkward coming out to my dad I just don’t remember it that much.

I don’t really talk to my older brother about being a lesbian, but I’m okay with that.

I’ve come a long way with accepting myself. I also struggle with gender identity, but for now I only want to come out as a lesbian.

Today I came out to some of my coworkers only because the topic came up and I know that before I come out to people, there’s always that little fear where you think the person won’t accept you or be okay with it, but it usually isn’t that way for me.

I feel so much better because now I don’t have to refer to girls as “they” instead of “he” or “she”. I don’t have to lie and it’s not like I did, but I just didn’t say much.

Transgender struggles

I have been struggling with something for years. Sometimes I’m okay with it and other times, I am so conflicted about it, that just venting to people doesn’t help.

Everyone states their opinions on the matter, gives me advice and tells me to seek help. I know that I need help, but I’m stubborn and won’t follow through with it.

I am biologically female, yet I identify as both. Because the world has labels for everything, I’ve labelled myself after different things such as “Transgendered” “Male” “Female to male”, “Lesbian” and “Female”. I am constantly trying to find a label that works, that fits my personality, that matches my very thoughts, but there is not just one.

I know that labels should not define someone, but sometimes, I personally believe that they help.

I switch between wearing feminine clothing and masculine clothing, not shaving for a few days. Basically, I’m playing around with my gender and body to help ease my mind a little bit.

What it is like to be trapped in the wrong body.

when I look back at the past, my past, I see a typical child – innocent and thrived for exploring the world and all that it has to offer.

I guess i can say now that I see some signs of myself wanting to be a boy, but I think that that’s normal.

When I was in grade 6, had long hair and then cut it really short. I continued to get picked on for it. In grade 7, Middile School – Alot of the students called me names and constantly asked me if I were a boy or a girl, not only did I have short hair, but I had braces, bushy eyebrows and wore boyish looking clothes. I had this one shirt and that was from Zellers and I tried to convince my mother that I snook it from the boy’s clothing section when she wasn’t looking.

In grade 8, I started questioning my sexuality and in grade 10 I fell for a girl for the first time.

I was so confused. All of a sudden i started question my gender more than I had before and as I grew older, around 19 or 20 years old, I wasn’t 100% sure of who I was anymore, if I was even a female.

I was considering taking testosterone, but I knew that it would be exspensive. Besides that fact, it would be a huge change in my life and I dodn’t know if I would be ready for that.

I bound my chest yesterday for the first time and I felt suffocated so then I took off the bandage. It felt like a corset.

I don’t know if I’m having chest disphoria, but whatever it is, it’s a phase.

Has anyone ever felt as though their body was the wrong one?