Wall Destroyer

Sometimes I simply can not express

the ways of my working mind

wandering around the darkly lit allies

within every limit

surfacing the crowds over and over again

examining the depths but only seeing

what wants to be seen

not just with my eyes

but through something else

unknown I guess you could say

But other times I can’t stop spilling my feelings

heart bared behind bars that noone can ever seem to be strong

enough to knock down

and everytime they get close to it, I back off

and run away because the past is what has

always been something I’ve known

Escaping is what i’m looking for

not just something that can fill this void

that seems to keep growing and growing

i’m not fixing it, i’m allowing it to be filled with short

fixes

Fixes that they themselves no longer can be fixed

You’re here now though

I’ve decided to write about you for once

because you deserve to know that you’re being thought of

and not just in a bad way

but a good way, a kind and gentle way

You have this wall, this guard, this mask

But I can see behind it

You know this, you’ve been told what I’m about to tell you

As I’m waiting for you to read my text, as I’m waiting to know

if you’re okay

That I know why you do what you do

Maybe it isn’t the past that forces you to be the way you are

But it’s society

because we all have our demons

Demons that shouldn’t ever be brought upbut I’ve told you mine and you’ve told me your’s

I’m not scared because of you anymore

If you’re afraid, i don’t blame you

it’s because I’ve been testing you

but you’ve seemed to have won

I soak up your attention, everything that you give me

I feel whole for a few days, to a month

but when you walk away, I’m broken again

left feeling like I had just used a drug and

the high wore off

I don’t do drugs, but if i were to

I’m sure I already know what the low highs feel like

Because more than high, I feel low

and sometimes I drink alcohol because it bares all of me and

I don’t hold back

My walls come down almost half way

But when i’m sober I pretend that what i’ve told you are lies

Because it hurts less

we don’t need a title

we don’t need anything

We don’t need to be friends, lovers

We’re just two people, two human beings, beings in general

Two master pieces that were created for some reason

That just happened to be in eachother’s lives

We just happen to feel something

But why should we label them?

If I stopped labelling, if I just stopped

You’d know that my persona is just an act

it’s just something that I put on

I keep upselling myself

but when i don’t, I still have something to me

you told me once that my face will only

get me so far, Maybe I’d prefer that i didn’t have a face

because a face is the first thing someone sees

You can tell alot by someone’s eyes, the way that their eyebrows are done

The way their lips sit

You can tell when they’re sad or happy

But without a face, that’s what the true test is

It’s something that makes it harder to discover someone

And with a blank face, you have to be willing

to allow yourself to sink downwards even if it’s something

that scares the hell out of you

Because you’ll never know until you try, atleast

that’s what alot of people say

You don’t have to believe me, for i don’t believe myself

You don’t have to let your guard down for me

I just want you to simply read this

because besides a face, besides just a personality

One can also tell alot by a person’s writing

The words they use

simple or broad

The way they organize their thoughts onto paper

The way the ink smudges as their hands drag along the paper

How dark or light the lead appears

Emotions show even when the person who is writing

Using the writing utensil

shows no emotion whatsoever

Everyone has something they’re hiding

But it’s okay

You know my dear, this poem is for you

Why you may ask?

Maybe because you need to know that I’m just a human

I want you to judge and critique me

even though I’m very judgemental, hypocritical

I want you to express how you feel about this

Tell me I’m not very good at writing

Destroy me so that I can feel something again

But baby, I already feel

whether you can see it or not

You know, I feel like writing this poem until you reply back to me

Even if it takes hours and I lose sleep

over it

because atleast I care enough to write something

To stay up and lose more sleep over and over again

It’s not very realistic or healthy

But maybe i do worry

maybe there’s more to this

simple or complex

broken and distorted

but again labels

labels that brain wash people into thinking and feeling

without labels 

our souls are bare and exposed more than no clothing

But you’ve got me

I’m stumped

for words for something

Lacking creativity

which i’ve never really been

I used to be as a child I’m sure

Our we both broken?

Are we both alive?

You have my attention

You don’t even have to confess your heart

You just don’t because i know how much it hurts

To love and then have nothing left

Drained of the one thing that atleast

kept you alive when you felt the most hollow and dead

I just want you to know these

things that crawl into my brain 

as you told me that you wanted to pick my brain layer by layer

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